Judging God

Judging God
For my whole life I have yearned to know more. More than the simple human life we all live. Are our lives so mundane that we are basically a bunch of Sim characters to God. Being told what to do and how to do it in the most subliminal way, but we are taught that we have free will and choice. How can we have free will and choice if there is predestination or the book of life is already written for us. Isn't that contradictory? We are being judged for something that we did but God knew we were going to do it anyway. Our whole spiritual existence depends on our actions that were permitted by God to begin with. You see, herein lies my problem with God and I think that as he judges us according to our actions that he already knew we were going to take that we should be able to tell him what we feel and how we think he could of helped us do better. Or how he could have done a better job. Why not? Why did he permit certain things to happen? Like my son getting cancer and pain. What's the purpose of him suffering? If there is a purpose or plan why not share it with us so we can feel more comfortable with the situation and then decide if we want that. That is free will! Not the illusion that we are spoon fed or the puppet show we are a part of. Come on, he made the perfect machine in human beings and you are telling me he can't fix us. Of course he can, but he does not want to. We have to roll the dice on prayer. We just can't go to a high priced repair shop and fix the issue. Trust me, we just did and that had not worked. Instead, we have to torture our souls to try to hope for a miracle and that is still not a guarantee. Some of us even bargin with Mephestophiles (The Devil) for another chance. You will be surprised what a person is willing to sacrifice for Love. You know, I did nothing personally to bring the jerk of the Devil to this planet yet we all have to pay the consequences for his actions and the actions of Adam and Eve. God could just kill the devil. The devil is one useless disgruntled angel who did not like his job and decided to give it up. He is the one that went "postal". That should be his problem not ours but he gets to continue to do what he is good at and we get the raw end of the deal. Jesus said that he is the way and the light, I like Jesus he gave him self up for me. I can relate to that because I would do that for AA but why did God have to throw his son under the bus when he could have just stopped the madness from the beginning. God has a sadistic and destructive side, a side that we also posses because we are molded in his image. I feel that we are pawns in a personality disorder that God has with himself. God could be both the Devil and God. He is bi-polar. For whom did Lucifer come from, God. Listen, I do not doubt God, I believe in him. I just don't agree with him. I only believe that if I do have suppossed free will, I can tell him how I feel. If I can tell my mother, my father and all my other family members how i feel why not my spiritual father.
Today...well how can I put it...as parents we received the worst news ever imaginable....our Big Man AA is on limited time with us...we are trying to get home ASAP in order to get him nice and fat and get him back to some of his old habits and comfort zones....this way we could celebrate the wonderful joy that he has been in our lives. The amount of strength, courage, love and happiness he has demonstrated is amazing and everyday we are soo happy to have had him for this time. Obviously, we are extreme dissapointed with this but as parents and friends to AA we had to make the tough decision of going this comfortable way for his sake than to try and throw more salt on his already wounded body. It was the hardest decision to make but we had to make it for him and his welfare. We always wanted him to be happy and loved. We are lucky because we will now have our personal guardian angel watch over us as we continue on this journey together and hopefully give him a couple more little brothers or sisters to look after. He will be waiting for us in heaven with open arms one day and hopefully pulling God's ear for putting him through this. We love you AA and we know you love us baby. You are the best!
Roi