Son of Honor

The days are long these days. Before we started this journey with AA the days flew by. Trying to make the most of each day. Our days were focused on taking care of the house, taking care of AA, going to work, going shopping and all of the other things that come along with the package of being a married couple with children. Now those days are gone. We focus now on trying to get out of the house in order to not cry or sleep all day because of the pain and disbelief of not having AA with us anymore in the physical sense. Now we have no structure to our day like we did once. We hardly know what to do with each other given that so much of our time was spent on AA. Sometimes we forget to eat, or sometimes I find myself waking up late and freaking out because I feel that I have forgotten AA in the crib. How this will make sense I have no idea. We understand he is with us in the spiritual sense but it still hurts that he is not with us in the physical sense. You get used to people quickly, especially to those you love. We miss his smile, his laugh, his breath, his words, his sweetness and his unconditional love for us. I cry everyday for our boy. Just because I appear to be strong doesn't mean that mean that I am. I feel so weak without my inspiration which was and is my boy.
Before AA went to Heaven I came up with the idea of presenting him with the Purple Heart. The Pure Heart is a medal awarded by the US military to those soldiers that have been wounded or killed in combat. I feel that our Warrior earned that same Honor for he fought with extreme valour against cancer and won the war through passing on to the next phase of life. Luckily, he was able to wake up before he passed and I was able to explain what the medal means and he was able to touch it, feel it and see it while also hearing me speak and sharing it with him. I am honored to have given him this presentation and will look for him one day in Heaven as he wears this medal for I am going to get one for Michelle & I as well. Thank God for replica medals and the Internet.
Roi