Harshest Sea & The Dry Desert

The feeling of loneliness is so hard. The loneliness of not having him next to us. I find myself crying more these days. Any small memory triggers an overflow of tears and sobs. I try to not cry because I want AA to see that we are doing okay but it is hard not to when you miss him so much. How do people cope with this? How do people continue living? I do not know how to keep going sometimes. In life, never would I have thought that I would have lost one of my best friends as AA was to me. To remember his facial expressions or his utterances and know what he meant or wanted was the best feeling ever. To know someone so well and to love them so deeply probably is the greatest of all feelings. I hope that one day the desert of my soul will gain life again and have beauty and life grow in it once again. I hope that it comes soon because the pain in unbearable and it is forever. I love you AA.
Roi

Thinking of Our Baby

The weekend passed rather quickly as we packed up Andrew Aidan's belongings and reorganized the house. It is always tough to see all of his things all over again. I really broke down yesterday and had to stop what I was doing. We visited AA yesterday for a while as we changed his wreath. We have been placing a wreath on his site every week until his stone finally gets placed. I was walking home today from a dentist appointment and decided to stop by and see him again. Just like in life, I could never get enough of him and that is still true. I love our boy so much. We had some friends and family come over on the weekend to help us reorganize the house and we are so grateful for that as well. Today was also Michelle's first day back at work. I wish her the best today. Please appreciate the important things in life, you never know when they can be gone. God bless.
Roi

Wednesday Picnic With AA

Today Wednesday was a better day. We had some errands to run before Michelle goes back to work on Monday and that surely helped us in staying distracted. We have learnt that the more you do during grieving that the smoother your days appears to go even though it really doesn't. Well we went to see AA today at the cemetary and have lunch with him. We went to Boston Market ( he totally loved the Mac & Cheese from there). We picked up a salad each and sat next to him while we ate and played one of his Bob the Builder cartoons. Beemer was also with us as we enjoyed our time with our precious one who I am certain was also there in Spirit. The calmness we felt while at his site was really soothing. We also worked on organizing some of AA's things that were in the basement. That was a bit more difficult but thankfully we had some family come over and help us out. Have a great evening.
Roi

Fireflies In The Park

Hello everyone. Things have been very tough lately. We found out this week that another family we were close to at Sloan lost their battle as their son passed on to the next phase of life. We wish them well. Michelle had a rough time on Tuesday as well as she broke down thinking of AA. Tuesday evening we went to the Compassionate Friends bereavement group in Manhattan and had a nice experience. We met some nice people that are going through similar experiences. What is nice about Compassionate Friends is that the loved ones lost have passed from all different scenarios. They are not only for families of cancer patients. We saw that many people have also suffered extreme tragedy and we wish them continue prayers and support. One activity that we liked from the group was when every one had a chance to tell a funny story of your loved one. My choice was of when I asked Andrew Aidan who was his daddy and he pointed to me and said "Bob the Builder". That was vintage AA. Always on his toes with the greatest responses. Afterwards Michelle and I walked to Madison Square Park and shared memories of AA while enjoying a night time snack at the Shake Shack. All in all it was another hard day which brought with it love, joy, tears, sadness and longing.
Roi

Road To Recovery

After every type of natural disaster, such as, earthquakes, hurricanes just to name a few, there is a recovery process. At first, it's shock and disbelief at the onset of such humbling displays of natural power. Then another step that comes shortly thereafter is teamwork. Teamwork to help clean up, to help the sick and wounded and to gather supplies. We were wounded again on Wednesday morning when I broke down when I went downstairs to the basement for the first time in a very long time. Wednesday evening, we continued our teamwork phase as we attended our first bereavement group meeting at Memorial Sloan Kettering. We met four famines that went through very similar experiences. We were the newest family there. Some lost their loved ones a year ago up to someone who lost their daughter ten years ago. The group was very helpful and we look forward to meeting with them very soon. We also are going to start going to The Compassionate Friends bereavement group that they participate in and look forward to gaining more support in this unbearable journey. We noticed that they still grieve and we have come to the realization that we will continue to grieve for the rest of our lives. Grieving this type of loss is something that we will take with us for the rest of our lives and we are coming to terms with that. This will not get better as some people have stated to us. We will cry forever and it's okay because he meant and means that much to us.
Roi

The Angel & The Flower

Hello everyone,

The last couple of days have been difficult and that is why we haven’t posted anything the last couple of days. We have been having a lot of reflective moments, both good and bad. Michelle's cousin from Ecuador posted a very nice short story on Facebook called "The Angel". I am posting it for those that do not have Facebook and for those that do not speak Spanish. We miss our boy and are very happy for the continued support and kind words we get daily from everyone. We love you all.

Roi

 THE ANGEL

"Whenever a good child dies, an angel of God comes down from heaven, takes the dead child in his arms, spreads out his great white wings, and flies with him over all the places which the child had loved during his life. Then he gathers a large handful of flowers, which he carries up to the Almighty, that they may bloom more brightly in heaven than they do on earth. And the Almighty presses the flowers to His heart, but He kisses the flower that pleases Him best, and it receives a voice, and is able to join the song of the chorus of bliss." These words were spoken by an angel of God, as he carried a dead child up to heaven, and the child listened as if in a dream. Then they passed over well-known spots, where the little one had often played, and through beautiful gardens full of lovely flowers. "Which of these shall we take with us to heaven to be transplanted there?" asked the angel. Close by grew a slender, beautiful, rose-bush, but some wicked hand had broken the stem, and the half-opened rosebuds hung faded and withered on the trailing branches. "Poor rose-bush!" said the child, "let us take it with us to heaven, that it may bloom above in God's garden." The angel took up the rose-bush; then he kissed the child, and the little one half opened his eyes. The angel gathered also some beautiful flowers, as well as a few humble buttercups and heart's-ease. "Now we have flowers enough," said the child; but the angel only nodded, he did not fly upward to heaven. It was night, and quite still in the great town. Here they remained, and the angel hovered over a small, narrow street, in which lay a large heap of straw, ashes, and sweepings from the houses of people who had removed. There lay fragments of plates, pieces of plaster, rags, old hats, and other rubbish not pleasant to see. Amidst all this confusion, the angel pointed to the pieces of a broken flower-pot, and to a lump of earth which had fallen out of it. The earth had been kept from falling to pieces by the roots of a withered field-flower, which had been thrown amongst the rubbish. "We will take this with us," said the angel, "I will tell you why as we fly along." And as they flew the angel related the history. "Down in that narrow lane, in a low cellar, lived a poor sick boy; he had been afflicted from his childhood, and even in his best days he could just manage to walk up and down the room on crutches once or twice, but no more. During some days in summer, the sunbeams would lie on the floor of the cellar for about half an hour. In this spot the poor sick boy would sit warming himself in the sunshine, and watching the red blood through his delicate fingers as he held them before his face. Then he would say he had been out, yet he knew nothing of the green forest in its spring verdure, till a neighbor's son brought him a green bough from a beech-tree. This he would place over his head, and fancy that he was in the beech-wood while the sun shone, and the birds carolled gayly. One spring day the neighbor's boy brought him some field-flowers, and among them was one to which the root still adhered. This he carefully planted in a flower-pot, and placed in a window-seat near his bed. And the flower had been planted by a fortunate hand, for it grew, put forth fresh shoots, and blossomed every year. It became a splendid flower-garden to the sick boy, and his little treasure upon earth. He watered it, and cherished it, and took care it should have the benefit of every sunbeam that found its way into the cellar, from the earliest morning ray to the evening sunset. The flower entwined itself even in his dreams—for him it bloomed, for him spread its perfume. And it gladdened his eyes, and to the flower he turned, even in death, when the Lord called him. He has been one year with God. During that time the flower has stood in the window, withered and forgotten, till at length cast out among the sweepings into the street, on the day of the lodgers' removal. And this poor flower, withered and faded as it is, we have added to our nosegay, because it gave more real joy than the most beautiful flower in the garden of a queen." "But how do you know all this?" asked the child whom the angel was carrying to heaven. "I know it," said the angel, "because I myself was the poor sick boy who walked upon crutches, and I know my own flower well."Then the child opened his eyes and looked into the glorious happy face of the angel, and at the same moment they found themselves in that heavenly home where all is happiness and joy. And God pressed the dead child to His heart, and wings were given him so that he could fly with the angel, hand in hand. Then the Almighty pressed all the flowers to His heart; but He kissed the withered field-flower, and it received a voice. Then it joined in the song of the angels, who surrounded the throne, some near, and others in a distant circle, but all equally happy. They all joined in the chorus of praise, both great and small,—the good, happy child, and the poor field-flower, that once lay withered and cast away on a heap of rubbish in a narrow, dark street.

1 Month Anniversary

The winds may erode the sands of the
World
And the rains may wash away the dirt of the hills
Time may melt away the years of our youth
But never will it erase the thoughts of you.
Your heart and your soul beat more today
While your smile and your love carry us away from pain.
Done with the war and the fear
That you no longer have to fight
Thankfully because of you we will be alright.
Roi Le Gar

Today marks one month in which our magical prince moved to his new home. We have our moments in which we miss him terribly as we have days that are filled with joy as we remember the wonderful love that he made us feel. The silly moments when he made us laugh and the beautiful times when he made us proud. He will forever be our Angel Warrior and each day that passes gets us a step closer to him. Please tell us what you appreciate more since AA has come into your life it would really help us to continue moving forward in our lives. We love you Andrew. Send us your message to r.legar@gmail.com
Roi and Michelle

Johnny Cash & The Angel

Hi Everyone...As the days have been getting closer to AA's one month anniversary of his passing, we have been really struggling in dealing with things. The last couple of days have been extremely difficult for us and we hope to find hope in anything possible. In Johnny Cash's song "Hurt" he opens this somber song with the lyrics "I hurt myself today, To see if I still feel, I focus on the pain, The only thing that's real,". The reality is not that we focus on the pain we feel but that we have loved so deeply that it is still an inconceivable nightmare. An infernal nightmare, we wake up every day hoping that we live in some sort of horrible joke played on us and that our boy is still here with us in body. This pain is the only thing that is real for us. We are trying to make it through these hard days and hope to God that he helps.  That's why I thought that I would share this very nice letter from and angel with you. It reminds me of AA, our Angel Warrior and how he is with his angel brothers. I hope to see him one day in Heaven again. Just a bit of inspiration to help me get through my day and hopefully it does the same for you. You all have helped us so very much in mind, spirit and body and the least we can do is give you hope that even though we all struggle and face extremely harsh difficulties in life, we can some how get through it by helping each other. Thank you and good night.
Roi

The following is from Jacob Charian writing in Beyond the Sunday School: Letter from an Angel Warrior:

Hi,

I have seen some of your paintings of angels. Not very accurate. Why do some of your artists try to make us look like lovely, soft women or cute, chubby babies? Let’s correct that idea right now.

When you think of an angel, don’t think of soft clouds or little cupid-like cherubs decorating packages of bathroom tissue. Angels are terrible warriors. We are the army of the Living God, His heavenly host — a mighty, terrible host, surrounded with the blinding glory of the Almighty’s holiness. Our strength is incomprehensible to you humans.

Why one night while the Assyrian army was surrounding Jerusalem, one of our host went through their camp and put to death 185,000 of their soldiers (2 Kings 19:35). Cute, chubby cherubs, ha! Every time a human actually sees one of us, he collapses in terror. That’s why we always have to start our conversations with: “Fear not!”

Like your human armies, we have ranks and orders, differing duties and tasks. Some angels are not quite so military of course, but me and my boys are a real army. We’ve been in on some of the great campaigns. Our regiment follows the Commander Himself. He has a very particular interest in earth. So many of our operations have brought us into this arena of conflict.

Earth, you know, is contested territory. Oh, there’s no real question of who really rules, but the final mop-up action is being delayed in order to compete certain rescue operations in which the Commander has taken a personal part. We look forward to the end of it all. The day is coming when the last battle will take place. All of the hostiles will gather against our Commander and will mount a terrible offensive. We (and some of you too) will be with Him when He meets the Enemy on that day! There’s no doubt at all about the outcome of that conflict.

In the meantime, our present missions are typically restraining actions related to the ongoing rescue program. We move into an area and secure a perimeter of operations from enemy interference. For instance, on one occasion, Dothan, the village of God’s prophet Elisha, was surrounded by the Syrian army. Our unit was deployed to ensure the safety of the prophet and clear the area of hostiles. Elisha knew we were there. He had notification from our Commander. But the prophet’s servant was uninformed about our presence. Elisha told his servant, “Don’t be afraid. Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” Then Elisha requested from the Commander, that we angels be displayed for the servant’s benefit. So we executed a partial decloaking. The servant was duly impressed; as well he should be (2 Kings 6:8-17).

Most of the time, however, we remain unobserved. But we are present in fearsome power — hundreds, some times thousands of us. We’ve been there in countless operations with the Commander sometimes in warfare against the enemy, sometimes as auxiliary personnel to human endeavors.

I understand many of you may have the notion that serving in an army is a matter of grim, unquestioning duty. That may be the case in some human deployments, but it is emphatically not the case with us in the angel corps. Every last one of us serves because of love for the Commander. We would follow Him anywhere and do anything He requested.

Perhaps you can get some idea of our motivation for service by remembering how the soldiers under David loved him. My squad was in the area one time when David and his command were surrounded by a band of Philistines. At that time David was in his stronghold and he casually remarked how good a drink of water from the well in Bethlehem would taste. Three of David’s men broke through the enemy lines without being discovered and I might add that one of our personnel had something to do with that. They drew water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem and carried it back to David, just because they loved him. (1 Chronicles 11:15-19).

That’s how it is in this army. We love the Commander. Not one of us would hesitate in the slightest to perform any assignment that He might choose to give us. You can hear our love for Him in the songs we sing when we are on the march. How does your proverb go? There are four things that move with stately bearing: a lion, mighty among beasts who retreats before nothing, a strutting rooster, a he-goat, and a king with his army around him (Proverbs 30:29-31). You should see our King with His army around Him!

Actually, some of you did see something like that once. I mentioned earlier that our Commander has taken a very personal interest in the rescue operation on Earth. According to His own plan He left heaven and was born into your human race. It was His mission to effect a decisive blow to the key power center of the enemy, effectively opening the gates from the inside to secure the escape of the rescuees.

We had been with Him in smaller companies since He joined Himself to His human mother’s flesh. We kept her under close guard during her season of pregnancy. But on the night He selected for His human birth, we were all there in full array. There was some possibility that the enemy would attempt to oppose His birth action, so we were prepared to secure the area. Of course, as it happened, the enemy was not encountered in the area that night. Only some time later did he mount a counterstrike through that King Herod. So on the night of our Commander’s birth we had nothing to do but stand watch, until we were ordered to reveal ourselves to a few shepherds. And after making the announcement about our Commanders birth, we sang.

Have you ever heard a really big men’s choir? Start with that idea, but imagine them not in choir robes, but girded for battle. Not grim draftees, but soldiers terrible in joy. Not so few you could count them if you tried, but thousands and thousands. Not bare, four-part harmony, but every voice with a slightly different song and all the voices fitting together like a million pieces of a stained-glass window into the glory of heaven.

Not singing with weak human lungs, but sounding eternal chords like the ones that we used at the creation of the world. Not a song with a few words and a chorus, but a song that could not be contained even if you knew all the greatest words from all the languages of your earth. And this song, if you tried to sing it, would say, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom the Commander’s grace rests.” That is the kind of song the shepherds heard!

That night was singing — a song full of terrible love for the Commander, a song full of God’s love for the earth. (You celebrate Christmas for this same reason, right?) And if you have love for this God who joined your human race, maybe one day you will sing with our army.

As we stand before the throne of our Commander there will be a million upon a million voices of praise, voices singing of endless love, voices singing glory to God in the highest!

That is all I wanted you to know Friends, Hope to see you all soon.

—An Angel Warrior

(written by Jacob Charian)

www.equalsharing.com

I Miss Being A Dad

I will always be a dad even though AA is in Heaven now but I miss being a dad. I miss helping him eat his food or taking baths with him while we play with his toys while singing silly songs that we would make up. I miss watching him sleep, walk, talk, laugh. I miss holding his hand or having him put his head on my shoulder. Just sitting down and watching him play was one of my favorite things to do. His purity and enjoyment were highlights of my days with him. How I miss reading "Thomas & The Jet Engine" to him. I would read that book to him at least 50 times a day. I even miss changing his diaper. You really know you love someone when you say you miss that. It's now 4:30 am and I can't fall asleep because I miss checking up on him every night before I go to bed and just move him slightly to make sure he is breathing. There are so many things I miss of him. These tears hurt. It's like acid tears rolling down my face and heart burning canyons of pain while I struggle to keep moving forward. I do my best to stay positive and happy but the quiet moments are always the worst. The quiet moments ambush your heart and soul and attack with reckless abandon. Stripping you down until you bones show. So many men take their children for granted and just walk away from their responsibilities and feel no sort of remorse. If only they knew how wonderful it is to be a dad maybe they would think differently. If only they knew how special it is to have your child love you, maybe they would realize that there are so many men like me that wished for what they could have. I wish I had my AA back, I wish I could. Sorry for crying AA, I just miss you my son.
Roi

AA Dancing

Hi everyone..
I just wanted to share with you all a video taken of AA from December. This was during one of our chemo admissions. We hope you enjoy seeing him dance.
Roi & Michelle

Butterfly Signs

On Saturday, we had a nice encounter with AA. After leaving a family member's house we noticed that on the back of the car we were using that night there was a beautiful butterfly sitting on the trunk of the car. It appeared to be a Monarch butterfly. It was weird for a number of reasons. It was about 1am when do you ever see a butterfly at night. Secondly,as we stayed outside speaking for about an hour more the butterfly did not move once. Finally, at about 2 am we finally left their house and had to lift the sweet butterfly off of the trunk in order to not risk hurting it. As it was lifted and began to fly, someone said, "hey that's probably AA flying back to Heaven after spending some time with us". As they said that, I saw a shooting star fly right over the sweet butterfly. AA definitely was having a nice time with Mama and Papa.
Life is an ongoing process that does not stop just because our bodies rest perpetually. Our spirit/life force continues to push on into freedom. Always remember, that as our bodies grow older all we have are a bunch of yesterday's and very few tomorrows. Live today and enjoy it for what it is. God bless!
Roi

Staircase Journey

Every Step Feels Like A Life Time

Imagine our lives as a staircase. A staircase that reaches the upper most part of our potential on our spiritual journey. This staircase has many uneven steps that mirror the uneven experiences that we have in our lives. Some of us struggle with this unevenness while others do well. Time spent on this upward journey to Nirvana's gates can fly by for some while some may feel as if they are walking on quicksand, slowly sinking deeper and deeper into each step of life with little hope of reaching the top. I once read that in the Ancient Middle East there was a belief that our souls when departed from this world would be asked two questions when reaching Heaven's gates. The answers according to legend, would determine where your soul would spend the rest of it's eternity. The questions are very simple but extremely profound. 1) Have you found joy in life? 2) Has your life brought joy to others?
I like many, used to see life differently before AA graced my soul with the honor of being his father. I thought that joy was obtained in the material world, but my greatest joy in life began on Dec 05, 2009 when I held the amazing 7.7 pound bundle of joy that was and is AA for the first time.  I am lucky enough to say I have experienced Joy through AA. While experiencing joy I truly feel that I have been able to bring joy to others but most importantly to our AA. Hearing the sound of an excited cry of "Papa" or a sudden spontaneous and powerful kiss of love from your own child is outstanding and truly the best way that they can express their happiness and joy. What makes you happy? I truly do not know that answer but I hope that you do and that if you do not know what makes you happy, that you do your best to find your happiness in life.  Love those around you more, hold them closer each day and tell them how much they mean to you. Each day that passes in our lives takes us a step closer to the top of the staircase and how we answer those questions depends on us. Thankfully AA showed me what really matters on my staircase journey.

Time Will Never Erase

Countless nights, countless tears
Countless days thinking of you. No matter what we do in life from this point on, it will never erase the pain. He was a person that very few really got to know because of all the ailments that he went through in his twenty seven months but the few of us that were lucky to spend time with him know that he was and is an outstanding person. It's tough when you lose a prized possession but he is not lost, he is simply some where waiting for us to come and see him again. AA we will see you soon. Love you.
Mama, Papa and Beemer

Send It To Us

What's Your Address Again?

Hello Everyone...Hope every one is doing well. We are doing the best we can given the situation and are doing our best to take everyday as it comes our way. We are looking back at the wonderful turnout of over 200 people that came to pay their respects to the Warrior at his wake and funeral. As we review the guest book for the funeral home we realized that there was not enough space in the guest book for every one to sign. As a result we are asking everyone that attended the wake, memorial mass & burial ceremony to please send us your mailing address via e-mail in order for us to send out thank you notes. We are very proud of the impact that AA made on so many and we want to show our appreciation. Please e-mail your information in the following format.

First & Last Name
Full Mailing Address


Thank you & God Bless you all.
Roi & Michelle

r.legar@gmail.com

Where Angels Are

This Real Cosmic Entity Looks Like An Angel, Our Angel Warrior.

Today was a day in which Michelle and I found ourselves enjoying so many of the wonderful things AA would do when he was here with us. Everything from facial expressions, phrases he picked up from us, the way he would imitate birds or planes and even the way he walked, as we took a walk together. Our Angel has done such a wonderful job in making us happy. He amazes me more and more each day with the undeniable imprint he has left on our souls. I thank him very much for taking care of us now. Every time we find ourselves crying, he finds a way to make us smile through his loving and silly ways.
Roi

Thank You Inspiration Through Art

Please view the nice effect that Inspiration Through Art placed on one of the pics I took of AA when we took him to The Bronx Zoo. They placed this pic on their page today to remember AA's 2 weeks of passing to Heaven.
Roi

Cosmic Triangle

Not everyone has the fortune of finding love and friendship all in one person. Let alone in two people, the blessing is even more rare. I have to consider my self extremely fortunate and blessed to have an awesome woman as a friend and wife but also equally blessed to have a wonderful boy and young man as a friend and son, in AA. Our pride is a continuous flow of love that is still flowing from our hearts. On another note, for the last two nights,I was able to witness a cool sighting in the sky at night. I have seen the crescent moon form a triangle with two very bright stars. What makes me like this picture is the fact that it reminds me of AA and how he is with us and will always be with us no matter what time of day it may be. I love you AA and always miss you Gordo. I look forward to seeing you soon my boy. Love always,
Your Papa.

2 Weeks Ago

Missing Our AA!

Today, Monday marks two weeks in which our beloved Andrew Aidan passed onto his new life in Heaven. Everyday has been hard as we find ourselves still struggling to deal with this situation. The days do not seem to get better and time does not seem to heal either. We cry, we cry often as we remember his warmth, his smile, his great smile, laughter or the way he would sleep or touch our faces gently. There are so many things we admire about him. We find ourselves missing him so much and remembering so many of the wonderful things that AA gave to us on a daily basis and how he still gives us love today as we relive those wonderful memories of him. We still feel him around us and at times feel like he has given us certain signs that he still is with us.
Good night.
Roi

I Am Always With You

I wanted to share with you the the poem I read for AA's wake. Hope everyone had a a good day.
Roi

I Am Always With You

When I am gone, release me, let me go.

I have so many things to see and do,

You mustn't tie yourself to me with too many tears,

But be thankful we had so many good years.

I gave you my love, and you can only guess

How much you've given me in happiness.

I thank you for the love that you have shown,

But now it is time I traveled on alone.

So grieve for me a while, if grieve you must

Then let your grief be comforted by trust

That it is only for a while that we must part,

So treasure the memories within your heart.

I won't be far away for life goes on.

And if you need me, call and I will come.

Though you can't see or touch me, I will be near

And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear

All my love around you soft and clear

And then, when you come this way alone,

I'll greet you with a smile and a "Welcome Home".

My Little Butterfly

Hi everyone...Hope all is well. I just wanted to share with you the poem that I read at AA's Memorial Mass. Hopefully it will touch you the way it touched us. 

Roi

My Little Butterfly

© Barbara Ann Rogers

Today a little butterfly flew by me.

I thought to myself where have you been little butterfly.

You come into this world as a cocoon all by yourself and blossom into

this beautiful butterfly and fly off to see the world.

What you don’t realize little butterfly as you flutter through your days

is how you touch those around you in your soft gentle way.

You don’t even realize the wonder and awe you create around you.

she fluttered her wings toward me as if she was waving good-by as she

headed towards the horizon.

She looked very happy and content as she went on her way, as if to say

to me “Don’t worry I’ll be okay”.

I was sad to see her go for she had touched my heart in such a way that

I knew my life would never be the same.She had left an imprint of all the beauty life has to offer.

I knew each time I looked at another butterfly or horizon I would

remember our moment in time when it was only her and I.

I knew I would be a better person all because this little butterfly flew by

me one bright sunny day.

Source: My Little Butterfly, Funeral Poem for Friends http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/my-little-butterfly#ixzz1npkcnYvB 

A Poem For AA

Hi everyone,
Please view a poem written for Andrew Aidan. It was written by Brandon McClaskey one of the nicest people we have met. Brandon was present at AA's first wake session and asked if he could read this and we let him read it. Please enjoy.

Heavens trumpets sounded, and you answered Andrew. I know in your ascent you were wrapped in a blanket made of unwavering peace and the everlasting love of Mommy and Daddy. Taken too soon and yet you taught us all lessons that will last many lifetimes, and so Andrew, as are your lessons, you too are eternal. The brightest light in all of our hearts that will never extinguish. And so exist now in Gods light, no shadow cast upon you, you are freed from Earthly slumber, free now to truly live. Thank you Andrew for introducing me to your family, so beautiful, so caring. No more hunger Andrew, no more ambre, no more am. Sit back and enjoy Baby Andrew, tu familia will be there in what will seem like an instant, and forever will you be together again, in peace. Don't worry Andrew for we are not sad, but we certainly have sadness in us. Rest well my love, and thank you.

Son of Honor

The days are long these days. Before we started this journey with AA the days flew by. Trying to make the most of each day. Our days were focused on taking care of the house, taking care of AA, going to work, going shopping and all of the other things that come along with the package of being a married couple with children. Now those days are gone. We focus now on trying to get out of the house in order to not cry or sleep all day because of the pain and disbelief of not having AA with us anymore in the physical sense. Now we have no structure to our day like we did once. We hardly know what to do with each other given that so much of our time was spent on AA. Sometimes we forget to eat, or sometimes I find myself waking up late and freaking out because I feel that I have forgotten AA in the crib. How this will make sense I have no idea. We understand he is with us in the spiritual sense but it still hurts that he is not with us in the physical sense. You get used to people quickly, especially to those you love. We miss his smile, his laugh, his breath, his words, his sweetness and his unconditional love for us. I cry everyday for our boy. Just because I appear to be strong doesn't mean that mean that I am. I feel so weak without my inspiration which was and is my boy.
Before AA went to Heaven I came up with the idea of presenting him with the Purple Heart. The Pure Heart is a medal awarded by the US military to those soldiers that have been wounded or killed in combat. I feel that our Warrior earned that same Honor for he fought with extreme valour against cancer and won the war through passing on to the next phase of life. Luckily, he was able to wake up before he passed and I was able to explain what the medal means and he was able to touch it, feel it and see it while also hearing me speak and sharing it with him. I am honored to have given him this presentation and will look for him one day in Heaven as he wears this medal for I am going to get one for Michelle & I as well. Thank God for replica medals and the Internet.
Roi

Moment of Appreciation

Hello everyone,

What an emotion filled last couple of days. Yesterday was the beginning of the healing process for us and the many friends and families that have been devastated by the passing of our Warrior to the next phase of life. Bidding good bye to our wonderful boy has been such an excruciating experience. It has been a tsunami of emotions that has totally flooded the inner crevices of our mind and soul. It has caused a mass exodus of

emotions to empty from our souls during the process.     We are very proud that our boy has had the ability to touch so many people. In fact, the 200 plus people that came to give their respects to AA was truly humbling. It was amazing and we were so touched by the experience. We also want to thank the people that donated the 25+ beautiful floral arrangements as gifts of honor to AA. There were so many people that were truly touched by our experience, struggles, devotion and love for each other. We are very appreciative for the wonderful service we received from Farenga & Sons Funeral Home. The service we received from Gus, Tommy & the rest of the staff was truly outstanding and we recommend them for moments such as this. We also want to thank the many supporters that we have had via text message, e-mail, mail, blog comments and phone calls while also thanking Jack Resnick & Sons, Friends of Karen, Our Lady of Fatima RC Church, including Fr. Jack, Fr. Mahoney & Sister Patricia for the wonderful help they provided us along with & St. Michael's Cemetery. We would also like to thank those that have cooked for us this week and helped us around our home during such a hard experience. On a final note, we really want to say thank you to those friends and family that traveled from California, Florida, Pennsylvania and other places, we truly appreciate the sacrifice you made to be with us. We would also like to let everyone know that we love you all and to please continue to follow the blog as we try to share with you our path to healing. We will also going to keep AA's blog going as we try to be a positive influence for other families that are going through an experience similar to ours or for those that may go through something similar in the future.
Thank you and good night.
Roi & Michelle

No Photos | No Video At Any of AA's Services

Absolutely NO Video taking.

Absolutely NO Photo Taking

I would like to inform every one that there is absolutely no video or photo taking permitted inside the funeral home, during the church service, during the burial. No pictures of the casket, or of the flowers or of AA or of us or of anyone else inside or around the area. This is a closed casket service. I will personally ask you to delete the image or video and will ask you to leave immediately if you can not respect our wishes. I will not make ANY exceptions and will not beat around the bush when it comes to this. If you feel that you cannot respect our wishes, we ask that you do not come. This is the only thing that we ask of you. Thank you for understanding and we look forward to seeing you there and celebrating the wonderful life of AA.
Roi

Eternal

Mama, AA & Dada. The Team That Fought To The End!

The wind blows me closer to you

The sun warms whispers of your voice in my ear.

Every blink floods my cortex of over flow of memories 

That inundate my heart with thoughts of you.

The sweet evening blanket of the moon

caresses our hearts as we hear the dulce timbre of your voice

forever etched in our heart and souls as we hear the meoldic

sound of Mama, Papa in every wonderful song 

of the trees against the starlit evening canvas.

The major and minor scales of Heaven 

greeted your entrance with the eternal passion

of Andalucian saints singing the cante

of Praise and Glory 

As a new warrior joins the ranks 

of the Eternal, the Immortal. 

Of the Beloved

Roi  "Papa" LeGar

Everyday with out Andrew Aidan is a recurring nightmare that does not seem to end.  It is a bad memory that we want to forget but can not. Last night at 3am we were roaming the streets of our neighborhood, full of tears, grief and disbelief, not knowing what to do or how to go on. On every corner, in every park there is a memory. A memory of our baby who we miss truly. Our baby who will now be our Eternal Flame.  Andrew Aidan for us, was and is every thing as many of you already know.
How do you rebuild in the aftermath of a tragedy of epic proportions? Where do you begin? We have no idea of how this happened or how it will turn out. We are happy that, The Warrior has made his way home as he joins his brethren in the ranks of the Holy Army. Those of us that are left in the wake of the Great Destruction of our souls have to come together, join forces, regroup and move ahead. With firm remembrance of the one we call, The Warrior as we venture to rebuild ourselves. With his careful watch we will heal and continue to glorify the name of His Commander as he fills us with the peace of Heaven. It has been so magical to have the amazing support of our family, friends and Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center staff but also of the innumerable amount of strangers who are now friends of ours and of AA from around God's green Earth. It has been through this collective of wonderful souls that we have been able to continue onward. All because that is how AA would have wanted it. AA was the consummate fighter who did not complain once while he was in the middle of a brutal war. He always held his head up high, stayed focused and showed a Godly amount of strength that we had no choice but to emulate. People say we have been strong through this, but our strength came from seeing The Warrior. Our strength came from a belief in love, a love so great that it could defeat everything, even death. AA did not lose his battle, he won it. You see the cancer that was in his body has been destroyed through Andrew Aidan's ascension into Heaven. The Warrior won this battle and we are happy and proud of his victory with the Lord leading the way. Let us celebrate his beauty, his life, his amazing ability to unite every one behind one single cause, towards one purpose. Let us be happy for him for now we all have an ally in God's Holy Army.
Roi

AA's Wake, Mass & Burial Information

Our Angel Warrior, AA

Hello everyone,
We would like to invite you all to share with us the living memory of our Angel Warrior, Andrew Aidan LeGar. Our 27 month old boy did not lose his battle with cancer but defeated the cancer that invaded his body by ascending to the next phase of life, which is much richer and peaceful. It is a place we can all reach one day if we make the right decisions.
Although, he is not with us in the flesh, he will be with us in spirit as well celebrate the joyous memory of his life together for his wake, memorial mass & burial.
Please find the information for each service below.

AA's Wake & Viewing -1 Day Viewing
Date: Wednesday, March 14th, 2012
Times: 2-5pm & 7-9pm

Farenga & Sons Funeral Home, Inc.

38-08 Ditmars Boulevard

Astoria, NY 11105

718-726-6060

http://www.farengafuneralhome.com/

AA's Memorial Mass
Date: Thursday, March 15th, 2012
Time: 11:00am

Our Lady of Fatima Roman Catholic Church
25-02 80th Street  
East Elmhurst, NY 11370
718-899-2801 
http://olfparish.catholicweb.com/ 

AA's Burial
Date: Thursday, March 15th,2012
Time: Procession Following Mass

St. Michael’s Cemetery

72-02 Astoria Boulevard

East Elmhurst, NY 11370

718- 278-3240

http://www.stmichaelscemetery.com/

Thank You & God Bless!
Roi & Michelle

RIP Andrew Aidan LeGar 12/05/2009 - 3/12/2012

Our Angel Is Now With The Lord.

Today, it is with extreme sadness that we have to report that at 4:15pm our Angel Warrior, Andrew Aidan LeGar was escorted to Heaven by his Angel brothers to praise God in eternal glory. He was with Mama & Dada when he ascended to Heaven. We are grateful that we had the pleasure and honor of spending our son's last moments together with him alone. He was very peaceful and fell asleep into Glory. I, personally, was lucky to be the first person to hold him and hold his hand in life and the last to do the same as his Spirit rose to heights that transcend all life. We were sincerely blessed with the love, companionship, friendship, and outstanding joy of having such a wonderful person and soul as a son.

Andrew Aidan, Our Angel Warrior.

We are very proud of the the great courage and valour that AA displayed everyday as he fought. Although we are profoundly sad and will miss our dear boy greatly, we are happy that he is with God and is in the best company possible. He will now have a special place to call home as he awaits our arrival one day. We look forward to having our very own Angel in Heaven as he watches over us and hopefully his future brothers and sisters. We will be posting the wake and funeral information in following posts as well as placing it on the right hand side of the blog with travel directions. Thank you all for your support and love through this very difficult time. We thank God for a wonderful son and know that his memory will live eternally.
Roi & Michelle

Dada, Mama & AA

When he shall die

Take him and cut him out in little stars

And he will make the face of heav'n so fine

That all the world will be in love with night

And pay no worship to the garish sun.

~William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

Hoping For A Miracle

This Says It All!

Blessings to all. Glad to have the wonderful opportunity to write to you today. AA is still fighting like a champ. We had a good and stable day yesterday with the exception of a mediport infiltration. What is a mediport filtration? It is when a needle that goes into his mediport is either not completely in or comes out by mistake and the fluid goes into the body instead of the mediport. Well, this happened to AA yesterday and he had a ball of fluid in his upper right chest. Luckily it was picked up very quick and the bad line was replaced. In order to get the fluid out of the tissue we needed to place heat packs on the site until the fluids were completely absorbed by the body. Besides that we had a good day with a few friends and family members. Actually had a very nice time with Dr. L & my mom speaking about a wide array of topics. That was fun. Thanks again to Dr. L for spending time with us while her family was at home. We truly appreciate the time and sacrifice you have always made with us. Thanks! Daylight savings time really threw us a loop as we had a rough time waking up today from that lost hour of sleep. Today, Sunday was also a nice day, it was very stable in regards to AA's vital stats. He has been having some very good vitals these last couple of days. We are shocked & so are the doctors. We hope that this is God's miracle taking place before our very eyes. It has been great to have him be a bit more responsive and he moved his head and mouth a bit more today while giving us the wonderful surprise of a very faint smile. That was amazing. There was more family that visited today as well. Michelle also had her Professor from Pace University come and visit us Dr. Singleton. It was very nice to have had her visit us. She brought AA a very cute stuffed dog and brought us the same thing as well. She also gave AA a beautiful book called "Up, Up, Up" which she read to him. It was a nice moment.
As we were winding our day down, we were surprised as usual by AA. Michelle noticed that AA started to have an allergic reaction to something because his face, neck, chest & legs got blotchy. By the time the nurse & doctor came in, his allergic reaction was already fading away. It then came back again for about a minute and went away. The doctors are trying to figure out what it could be and will be watching closely. We also wanted to thank Michelle's sister Stephanie & her mother Alicia for holding a fundraiser today at our church. They recruited a large amount of friends and family to help out and they said that it went well. We were happy to hear that, because Stephanie had put in a good amount of work into the project. Thank you to everyone that helped and supported the event. We truly appreciate it and love you all.

Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.  ~Author Unknown

Your Comments Are Always Welcome!

Please share your thoughts with us!

Hi Every One...We just wanted to let you know that your comments are always well received for any of our posts. The amount of support we have received has been amazing. We have received wonderful prayers, letters, meetings and donations that have been truly God sent and we hope that The Lord abundantly blesses you all for helping AA and us continue this battle. We are still fighting and most importantly AA is still fighting. Every time a post is put on the blog, right below it is the option to leave a comment. Please see the pictures below to see instruction on how to post comments and as you post a comment it will be listed on the left hand side of the blog for others to see as well. Thank you for your amazing support and please stay tuned for more updates.
Roi &

Add your comment below each posting by clicking the blue comment word
then writing in the Post A Comment box

When you add your comment it will look like these on the left hand side of the blog.

Another Day...Hope Is Still Alive

Revelation 21:4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/22-inspirational-bible-verses/#ixzz1okX7R4vt

Today Saturday is a good day because our warrior AA is still fighting. He is sleeping and has been more responsive at certain times. We keep hope alive because anything thing is possible with God by our side. He had a good evening with no fever but has not opened his eyes yet. He had his mediport needles changed today and was given a nice bath by his mama. We gave him some eye drops to help his eyes stay lubricated and did his normal mouth care today. Mama did give him some special medicated mouth wash to make sure no bacteria grows in his mouth. The doctors still can't believe that he is still going the way he is going. He looks very peaceful and comfortable. We hope that God proves them wrong. We are waiting for AA to wake up, jump out of bed and tell all the doctors to take a hike. As much as we love our docs, I think they would like that as well. We had a nice evening with friends and family again. Thankfully, they have helped us in getting our minds distracted a bit. We also wanted to thank the sister of Michelle's friend Melba for cooking for us twice this week. Thank you! We also want to thank the prayer group that came by yesterday. We will keep you updated as things happen. Have a great day!

Roi

AA...The Little Engine That Could

This book was written about kids like Andrew Aidan.

Well, what can I say?....Our big warrior is still fighting tooth and nail to be with us...yesterday evening was a good evening for him. He was very stable and slept all day. We had some more friends and family come over last night, including Michelle's former colleagues from Barclays, Dr. Kalish, Melissa L., Veronica L. & Kerry K. We had a very nice prayer session as well as we continue to hope for a prayer. He gives us more hope as the days go on. Early this morning, he did have a fever of 101.84F. Pretty high for anybody. Michelle jumped into action and got some cold compresses and Tylenol was able to get his fever back under. Thankfully, since then he has been very good. He has been responsive. Michelle tried putting on AA's oxygen mask and he kept turning his head away because he did not want her to put it on. He also was responsive to one of the doctors as well. Father Jack and Sister Patricia from Our Lady of Fatima came by today and said a prayer for us as well. We also had a second group of people come from another church to pray for AA. We hope that God is hearing all the prayers and good thoughts that so many people have for AA and us that makes him change his mind in regards to bringing AA up to heaven at this moment. Until next time.
Roi

New Videos of AA's on You Tube...

www.youtube.com/user/musicforandrew

Hi everyone...Just wanted to let you know that we posted some new videos of AA on YouTube today. Hope you enjoy them as much as we do. Have a good evening.
Roi

The Bravest Kind Of Kid: Thinking Of Andrew Aidan LeGar

The Bravest Kind Of Kid: Thinking Of Andrew Aidan Legar
http://blogs.babble.com/dadding/2012/03/08/the-bravest-kind-of-kid-thinking-of-andrew-aidan-legar/

Hi everyone...Just wanted to share this thoughtful article posted on babble.com by Serge Bielanko who read of AA's Story through NYC Dad's Group. Thanks again guys..
Roi


http://blogs.babble.com/dadding/2012/03/08/the-bravest-kind-of-kid-thinking-of-andrew-aidan-legar/