Helping Others

During our experience last year with Andrew Aidan, we had many people and organizations come to our aid while we both tended to AA's battle with cancer full time. One of those organizations was the Joe Andruzzi Foundation. They were very nice to deal with and were very sympathetic to our battle since Joe himself was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma in 2007. Joe was a former Offensive Lineman with the New England Patriots during their recent three championship run. Thank you Joe for helping us as well as the countless other children you help on a yearly basis. Your help during this week's horrible occurrence at The Boston Marathon is a great example of coming to the aid of others while putting your well being to the side an amazing quality that many in this country seem to have. Thank you!

Michelle, AA (RIP) & Roi

http://espn.go.com/boston/nfl/story/_/id/9176513/joe-andruzzi-former-new-england-patriots-player-helps-boston-marathon-blasts

Help Kids With Cancer Please!

Please join us in this campaign to preserve and hopefully increase funding for the National Cancer Institute. Our friend Mafe brought this to our attention... The chemo treatment currently in place is basically the same treatment that was used 20-30 years ago..There have been no significant advancements in the treatment of pediatric cancer. We need to tell our politicians what we want and they need to stop spending OUR money on other countries and people when our own country and people are suffering.... This is OUR country and these are OUR children not the governments. Please let's do as much as we can by spreading the word writing a letter. In memory of AA and all the other wonderful children that have passed away because of pediatric cancer. Thank you!
The LeGar Family.

http://www.journey4acure.org/will-you-write-a-letter-to-save-kids/

Fondest Memories

Fondest memories of my beautiful warrior Andrew Aidan. AA taught Beemer how to throw toys in the bathtub so every weekend the boys would each throw their own toys in there while mommy ran back and forth from the bathroom to their toy chest putting their toys away...thanks AA...your brother Beemer still throws his toys in the bathtub when I am not looking...lol

Andrew Aidan's First Angel-Versary

Rest In Peace Our Sweet Boy!
12/05/09 - 03/12/12

An Angel-Versary is a term we discovered some organizations using when they were describing the date of passing into Heaven of a child. We decided to use it as well because we thought it more fitting. Today is Andrew Aidan's 1st Year since being called up to Heaven. This year has been so difficult for so many different reasons but the main reason is that our boy is no longer with us physically. Our pain is an emotional pain that can never be cured. It's a long term disease that will linger with us until our last day for there is no cure for the loss of a child. Our pain is an obviously different pain compared to what our strong Angel Warrior was probably feeling through his battle with cancer, chemo, radiation and various surgeries he endured. Today is more about celebrating his spirit, love, amazing personality and the incredible impression his story had on many people. All we did was love him and he did the same to us. Any normal parent thinks about celebrating birthdays, graduations, weddings for their children but never an Angel-Versary. Sure it would have been nice to celebrate those things with AA but we have to thank God for choosing our boy as one of his Angels. An honor much greater than any here on Earth. At least we know he is absolutely safe and that one day we will make it to him. Andrew Aidan we are very proud of the fight you waged against cancer and are glad that we were able to help you through the difficult times. We are very proud of you and are happy that you are now an Angel of God. Not everyone gets that job! We love you.

Mama, Sophia Andrea, Beemer & Papa

Amazing Support From So Many

As our beautiful son's first Angel-versary approaches...we find ourselves emotionally a complete mess. It is thanks to our family and friends that continue to support us through the hardest times in our lives that we are still standing. Thank you my dear friend Mary Ellen McKie for being one of those people that has remembered our son's anniversary every single month offering us words of comfort each month...we truly appreciate it.

Life

March is the birth month of Spring. Spring brings with it the hope of life, growth of many plants and flowers and the joy of escaping Winter's harsh realities. For us, March is particularly hard because it is the month Andrew Aidan went up to Heaven. As we approach his one year of passing on March 12th, the weeks leading up to the date are difficult. I was doing some reading and came across this excerpt by Ernest Hemingway from his book A Farewell to Arms and it struck a cord with me. It reminded me to enjoy my life as it passes. Enjoy every second, minute, hour, day, week and year of your life, because we all will one day meet our creator. It's just a matter of when. If you have a grudge, resolve it. If you dislike someone learn to like them and if you love someone tell them you love them. Sometimes the hardest phrases to say are "I'm sorry, I like you , and I love you". For all the important people in my life: "I'm sorry, I like you , and I love you"

Enjoy the excerpt and have an amazing day!
Roi

“If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.”
― Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

Approaching One Year

As the one year of Our Guardian Angel Andrew Aidan's passing approaches in exactly 3 weeks, an overwhelming feeling of extreme sadness approaches our heart more and more each day. It is thanks to our family and friends that have not forgotten our beautiful son and have proven it to us in so many different ways while helping us with this overwhelming experience. Today, we received a letter from Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center and the first sentence reads as follows: "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Le Gar, It is my privilege to inform you that Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center has received a generous gift, in memory of Andrew Le Gar from Mrs. Linda Moncayo". As I read this letter tears of happiness overcame me, thank you Titi Linda for being one of those people that always shows us how important our precious son still is to you and for keeping his memory alive. This means the world to us...we love you and appreciate all you have done for our baby boy then and now.

Tears In Heven

I was driving in to school today and for some reason felt compelled to play "Tears in Heaven" by Blues guitarist Eric Clapton. In 1991, Eric Clapton lost his 4 year old son and as a result wrote this song. 11 months later we still miss AA and hope to make it one day to heaven along with AA. Where hopefully there will be no more tears. Here are the lyrics for the song.

Eric Clapton Tears In Heaven
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven

We love you!
Mama and Papa

Always Thinking of You - 10 Months Later

Sometimes we ask ourselves if there was anything we could have done differently in life. Something that could have prevented Andrew Aidan from embarking on his battle with AT/RT, but as time passes on, we realize that we did everything we could have possibly done for AA. How many times did we ask God to give us the cancer instead. If there was a way that we could have transferred it to our bodies we would have done that in an instant, but that was not possible. Instead we've had to learn one of life's harshest lessons, that the ones you love don't always stay around for long. We learned how to live and love for someone else, while he was here with us and we are sure that we gave our boy every single ounce of love that we had in our systems. We know for a fact that he felt loved. There is no way possible that a boy of his age could have so calmly and courageously stood up to cancer without the confidence, strength and courage that love gives. We are so very glad that God showed us how to love our amazing boy. We are glad that we were able to guide him through the battle, never letting him feel the loneliness of not having love. Now we cry, we smile, we laugh, we long for him everyday. His memory consumes us, for he is us. Some people expect us to brush aside our unfortunate journey because we are expecting AA's sibling, but that will not happen and we will not let it happen. We are not ashamed of him or the experience of AA. We will continue to have all the emotions that parents live through when they loose a child. As time passes, those feelings do not change but grow with you. Today marks ten months since he moved to Heaven and we ask that you do your best to honor AA's memory by helping other brave children like Andrew Aidan. Please go to AA's blog: www.andrewlegar.blogspot.com

On the right hand side you will see a section called " AA's Organizational Supporters" . There you can pick any of the many organizations that helped our family during this past year and make a donation. It's a great cause and so many beautiful children need the help. We love you Andrew Aidan. Please help us make it to where you are baby...
Mama and Papa....

Let's Make the White House Gold This September!

Hello everyone...
Please help us light up the White House in gold lighting this September by following the link below and signing the attached petition in honor of Andrew Aidan and his fellow Angel Warriors. We can not let their battles be forgotten.. Thank you.
Roi

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/light-white-house-gold-month-september-honor-pediatric-cancer-fighters-and-bring-light-cause/syV6M6wX

Donate Blood Today!

A common thread that all humans have is the blood the races through our veins. It does not matter which country you are from or which language you speak, all humans need blood. The importance of a healthy blood system is taken for granted by millions but for many men, women and children who are in constant need of donated blood due to various ailments, it is just one added pressure of life. Yesterday, in Andrew Aidan's memory I went to Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, the hospital where AA received his cancer treatment and I donated blood. Hopefully my blood, the same blood that raced through AA's amazing body can make a difference in someone's battle with Cancer just like AA's story of strength made a difference for many. I ask you to do the same as soon as possible! Go to your local Cancer Center, hospital or blood bank and please make a difference today by donating blood or platelets. We didn't realize how important blood donation was until AA needed transfusions of his own. Hopefully, you will never have to need any transfusions of your own but some one will. It's the closest thing to saving a life. Thank you and God Bless!
Roi

Remembering AA

We recently spoke with Anel Martinez, the lovely photographer from Dreamscape Photography who took photos of us with AA courtesy of Inspiration Through Art last October. She was unaware of AA's passing and she created this picture in his memory. Thank you Anel. If any one of you need a photographer we highly recommend her work.
Michelle & Roi

Happy Holidays

We would like to wish all of our family & friends a joyous holiday season. We hope that you have a safe time as you enjoy the Holidays with those you hold dear.

Michelle, Andrew Aidan, Beemer, Baby LeGar & Roi

9 months

A Month Closer To Heaven

Every day that passes, is a day closer. It's a day that permits us to remember how much we love you. It's a time in which our spiritual clock gets closer to landing on heaven's runway. Today marks 9 months since our lives changed forever. We miss you AA. Hope to see you soon.
Mama & Papa

World Wide Candle Lighting Day

World Wide Candle Lighting Day
Sunday, Dec 9th, 2012
7 pm

Please join us in remembering Andrew Aidan and other children that have died too soon on December 9th in Honor of the 16th Annual Worldwide Candle Lighting event organized by Compassionate Friends. We will light a candle for AA at 7pm on that day and we invite you to join us. As candles are lit around the world at 7pm, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor the memory of children who have passed away, creating a global 24 hour memorial.

For more info go to:
www.friendsofkaren.org
www.compassionatefriends.org

In memory of AA, thank you!
Michelle & Roi

Thank you!

We would like to thank everyone that has sent their well wishes to our family this week. It was a bitter sweet week as we celebrated Michelle's birthday while remembering Andrew Aidan's birthday. Thank you for being by our side.
Michelle & Roi

AA's Memorial Video

Hello Everyone,
Please take 3 minutes to view a video we made for AA's 3 Birthday Balloon Release Ceremony. The link is on AA's YouTube channel (Channel Name: musicforandrew). You can view the link below and see it there or view the YouTube video player on the top left of his blog. Thank you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4H9T92F0Mg


Andrew Aidan LeGar -
Always Forever
Dec. 5, 2009-Mar. 12, 2012

Happy 3rd Birthday AA

Happy Birthday to Our Angel 

Three years ago today, we were blessed with the wonderful opportunity of being parents when we were given Andrew Aidan. He was and is a beautiful gift that we enjoyed very much. Although his time here was short, he touched many and was loved by many. He has gone on to fulfill more of his destiny and we are so glad that we have had the opportunity to be his parents. We will continue to love him and care for him for all of our years and are happy that we will be giving him the brother or sister that we always promised him. We are sure that he is going to be an awesome big brother in Spirit. We love you AA and we hope you enjoy the small video we made for You. We made a small video for AA containing footage from Sunday's balloon release ceremony. We will post it shortly.  Thank you to everyone for remembering his birthday.  We love you all. 

HAPPY 3 BIRTHDAY ANDREW AIDAN! We Love You!

Andrew Aidan's Birthday Memorial

We would like to thank God, AA and everyone that supported us today as we held our first birthday memorial for Andrew Aidan. We would like to thank Our Lady of Fatima R.C. Church and it's staff, Michelle's parents and sister for their help in preparing the day and all of our friends and family that came to the day's events. The service and balloon ceremony were very touching. It will be a tradition that we look forward to holding in AA's memory for years to come. We also feel lucky that our sweet Angel spoke with God to grant us the ultimate blessing of giving AA a new brother or sister as Michelle is almost three months pregnant. Not having AA around for his birthday on Wednesday will be very hard and we pray that it goes as easy as possible.

AA's Third Birthday Memorial

Dear Friends & Family,

We would be honored if you join us for Andrew Aidan's Third Birthday Memorial in celebration of his amazing spirit and life.  Please view the flyer below for the details of the standard church service we will be attending and the balloon release ceremony we will be holding at his site immediately following the service. We just ask that you RSVP by November 29 in order for us to have a balloon for everyone that would like to attend. Thank you and we hope to see you there. 

RSVP by email to:  r.legar@gmail.com

Michelle & Roi

8 Months Later

Hello Sweet Angel,
Today as always we send you a message thinking of you. We send you a message of love and hope. Hoping to one day to see you again. We miss you very much. People tell us it gets better over time, but sometimes or rather most times we disagree. We have no idea when or how it will get better. We are very proud of you for you are now our angel in Heaven. We just want you to know that we have not forgotten you. We want you to know that we love you and ask that you please watch over all of those that love you. There are so many that miss you and we are so glad that you touched their lives as you did ours. We hope you and God could guide us towards a better way. We love you forever.
Love always,
Mama, Beemer & Papa

Running For A Cure

Hi Everyone... Last year we were truly blessed when German Baez ran the NYC Marathon to help us raise funds while we battled cancer with AA. Although we were not successful in our battle, there are still others fighting the same battle. This year Andrew Aidan has once again inspired German to run the same marathon for the hospital where he received his treatment. Please view his message below and do everything you can to help other children like Andrew Aidan....Michelle will also be doing what she can in AA's name as she has volunteered to provide health care on marathon day to all of the runners in the medical tent right next to the Queensboro Bridge on the Manhattan side of the bridge... If you will be running, be sure to pass by and say hi to her. Please view German's message and donation page on Memorial-Sloan Kettering's Fred's Team page...
Michelle, AA, Beemer & Roi


Good afternoon all. On November 4th I will be running my second NYC marathon. Last year, as some of you may know, I raised funds for Andrew Aidan Legar. Unfortunately, he passed away in March at the age of 2. His amazing battle and bravery inspired me to join Fred’s Team.

Fred’s Team helps raise funds for Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. Andrew received treatment there and I thought it would be great to run for this important cause in his memory.

For more information and to make donations please visit my personal page at:
http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/FredsTeamEvents/Freds_Team?px=2131758&pg=personal&fr_id=1730

or go to the Fred’s Team website and type in my name to go to my page:
http://mskcc.convio.net/site/PageServer?pagename=ft_home

All donations are tax-deductible. I hope you can help me reach my goal and even more importantly, I hope we can make a difference in someone’s life.

Thank you!


German Baez, Jr.

Seven Months Since Heaven

Heaven...It is defined as the place from which heavenly beings come from. It is a place in which almost every human civilization hopes to reach one day. Heaven is associated with beauty, love, peace, happiness, tranquility and many other amazing feelings that the human Spirit and body feel and yearn for. We were lucky enough to experience a piece of Heaven here on Earth. We were actually lucky enough to live in Heaven on Earth for 36 months ( 9 awesome months of Michelle's pregnancy with Andrew Aidan & 27 months of AA's amazing life). Today marks seven months since Andrew Aidan's life spirit/life force was transferred back home to Heaven. Back to Heaven to full fill a greater purpose. As his parents, we were so blessed by the gift of AA. We would have loved for the outcome of life to be different and have him here with us instead, but certain things in life we can not control and this was one of those uncontrollable life events. At this point what we can control is, doing our best to reach him again in our next phase of life. We know he is there because he continues to reach out to us through dreams, signs and events that obviously involve his presence. This amazing son, young man and Angel Warrior continues to show his hand in our lives and for that we will always love him. For it is through him we were able to live in Heaven on Earth and hopefully with his help we will one day be in Heaven with him once again. For every day here means that we are one day closer to him.
We love you eternally Andrew Aidan!
Mama, Beemer & Papa

Missing The Light of Our Lives

Andrew Aidan,
Mama & Papa want to tell you that we have been thinking about you alot this weekend. We miss you and know that you are with us. We just wanted to tell you that we love you, are proud of you and miss you dearly. Keep doing a great job in Heaven! We will see you soon our sweet Angel Warrior.
Mama, Beemer & Papa

Celebrate the Life Not The Change

Eleven years yesterday, the world was reminded of just how sinister humans can be and it is with deep compassion that we extend our prayers to those that have lost loved ones as a result of 9/11. For our family and friends, today marks 6 months in which our wonderful Angel Warrior Andrew Aidan was promoted to Heaven to help in making the world a better place. While on this planet,he did everything he could to bring love and happiness to many many people while bringing unity and understanding to the lives of many. Although we will always be saddened by him not being in this realm with us, we are totally satisfied in knowing that the universe permits him to communicate with us in so many different ways. Although we are not permitted to see him yet, he sure does make his presence known and that sure has helped us. I would like to share a way in which we celebrated his life during his first year with us. We were soo happy to have him around that I told Michelle in January 2010, a month after his birth. "Let's celebrate his first month of life. Lets get a cake and light a candle and take pictures and just celebrate the happiness he brings us". Little did I know that we went on to do this every month for his first year. It was great, we have so many pictures , memories and really did enjoy the moments as well. I remember one time when he took a small cup of ice cream from Baskin-Robbins and just devoured it. It was so awesome to see his face full of ice cream and to see him enjoying every drop of it. Plus we have pictures! I urge you to find a way, something unique that will celebrate the lives of those that you love dearly. Its okay to get someone flowers, or take them out for lunch or just write a simple "I love you" note. Remember, as we get older we will lose more loved ones but we will never lose their love, happiness or the wonderful memories that they made in our lives. Have a splendid and wonderful day. Life is beautiful no matter what happens.
Michelle, AA, Beemer & Roi

Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

We hope that everyone is as well as can be. We also hope that you had a safe Labor Day Weekend. Labor Day is one day out of the year that celebrates the spirit of the American worker, no matter what your social class is. Along with Labor Day comes the Annual Childhood Cancer Awareness Month in September. You all know the battle that we went through last year and this year with AA and you all know the result and how we still are dealing with not having him physically with us. Unfortunately, we are not the only ones. The way we have encountered childhood cancer since last year is alarming. So many wonderful children and families struck by an un-necessary evil. Many of you did your best to help us out and you surely did and for that we are appreciative. We ask that you try you best to help other children out as well if you can. You could donate to an organization or family with Childhood Cancer, go to your local cancer center like Memorial-Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in NYC and volunteer. You can donate toys, stickers, ski caps (these are very helpful since many kids get cold), socks, books, DVD movies, etc to local children's cancer centers. You could participate in a Childhood Cancer walk in your city or town. There are many things to do like donating blood as well. So many cancer patients deal with blood transfusions that we need healthy people to donate healthy supplies into the system. Hopefully none of you will have to go through what we went through with a loved one and hopefully we can all help other beautiful children that go through this harsh experience in managing it better. God Bless you all
Michelle, AA, Beemer and Roi

Five Months of A Shooting Star

Hello dear friends and family...today marks five months since we last held and kissed our wonderful boy Andrew Aidan...it has been five months that we really wished never would have come to pass in the manner in which it did...when we embarked on the journey of being parents we wanted to really experience parenthood in a manner that was different to what we had experienced ourselves as children.... We wanted to have a different connection with our boy and the subsequent other children we would probably have in an ideal world...the idea of having a great relationship with AA was an idea which became a reality upon his birth...having such a beautiful person to care for was and is the highlight of our lives... It's a responsibility that so many get a chance to have and very few get a chance to enjoy and appreciate...for time has a mind of its own and never cares for love or feelings...well, as life usually unfolds... It is now AA who watches over us..we live our days not trying to move on without him but trying to move closer to him for he is still with us... And the following story is further proof that life is not a series of random coincidences but a garden of well coordinated experiences... Last Saturday, was a tough day for me
( Roi )... You see I am currently living in Florida finishing flight school which I started last year...I was missing Michelle, Beemer and Andrew Aidan very much...I decided to come outside and just speak to Andrew and tell him how much I missed and loved him...I told Andrew, "I miss you so much AA. If only I could see you again or just hear you voice for a brief instance... If only you could let me know you are hearing me by a shooting star or something... Would you believe that at the precise moment I said shooting ( I didn't even get a chance to finish the phrase) a shooting star passed right in the section of the sky that I was staring at and precisely at the moment I asked AA... Definitely not a coincidence.... As you could imagine I definitely was amazed and started crying on the spot...as I thanked him for speaking with me another shooting star flashed for a second time in the same spot I was just staring at...Amazing...
Well here is to our shooting star, our boy, and our hero in life... We love you and miss you...
Mama, Papa and Beemer

Closer To AA

My first day back in control of a plane was great... Being closer to AA was truly Amazing... Love you Gordito.
Papa

Thank You

We would like to thank those that have continued to show their support to us during these past weeks and months. Many of you have done so via e-mails, texts, postings and visits. We truly appreciate it because it is harder beyond comprehension to deal with his passing to Heaven. We also appreciate the people that still reach out to us to tell us that AA has touched their lives in many relevant ways. We have been told by family of instances that they have seen strangers with AA's bracelets on. Truly moving to know that people still remember his fight. Thank you and God Bless you all.
Michelle & Roi

Four Month Anniversary

Another month of AA's passing today... It's now four months and it feels like the week before the anniversary is horrible and the week after is horribly draining as well. How do we feel as time takes as further away from the memories of our beloved boy? Or as the waters of sadness try to wash away the amazing love that we had for him and he had for us? Well imagine your self as a painter, someone on the level of a Picasso or Van Gogh.. Imagine you just finished your "Guernica" or your "Stary Night", and you had that gut feeling that this was a good piece, if not a great piece. Now what do you do when that piece is stolen or burnt to the ground? Most great artists are so arrogant and talented that they would probably shrug it off and start working on their next masterpiece immediately. If only we could somehow add our next masterpiece to the equation immediately, not to replace AA because we never want a replacement, but to fuel our artistic need as parents. Parents are artists in creating lives, memories, futures and more. Our lives are a living canvas that we cultivate and once children come into the picture our artistic style and outlook changes. What was once grey is now yellow and so on. The greatest art we can create as humans is not as easy as it seems. Many of you know that from your own personal experiences or from people close to you that have tried. We all live in the same art gallery. We all strive to create that "masterpiece". Some of us do and some of us are not as lucky. Some of us are lucky enough to create those works of art and have it last a life time and some of us lose them in fires. Although it burns the soul of our existence on a daily basis not to have the "masterpiece" of our boy with us physically, we know that God inspired us to create a masterpiece and hopefully one day, we get another chance. God bless all the wonderful artists and masterpieces of the world. We love you AA!

Mama and Papa ( Beemer says hi "Gordo")

Here's to four month of no more pain, tubies, or all the crazy things our children go through when dealing with such diseases.

Land of The Free, Home of The Sick

Hello All,
Hope all is well. In the upcoming days our country, will be celebrating it's 236th birthday. A wonderful occasion in world history. The great declaration made by the founders of this country in that long gone era inspired many through out the globe to fight social injustice and inequality. It has also inspired me to write something along those lines A thought came to mind recently regarding the state of our health care system and the lack of priority that is given to the well being of our union's citizen's.
For quite a long time, this country's status as the world's iconic democratic model went unquestioned. The status of such an iconic status has come into question by many in recent time, both near and afar. Concerning to me is the fact that I have within the last year lost 5 people that were near and dear to my family and I to Cancer, including our precious Andrew Aidan. Not to mention an other person which is at Heaven's Gate as we speak also fighting the dreaded war against against Cancer. Never in my life have I or my friends or loved ones suffered such large amounts of loss due to Cancer.
How does this tie into the decline of our established country's social and political prominence? In my view when our government decides to give to the country of Afghanistan 146 war planes as a GIFT to maintain their country's fight for democracy it becomes concerning. A fight that has cost the American people close to $543 billion dollars and counting. Imagine if the US Govt gave to Afghanistan a plane like the F-22 as an example. The F-22 is a fighter that is made by Locheed Martin. It initially cost $150 million to produce and the government has ordered 195 of them to date. You do the math...150 million x 195 units is around= $28 billion dollars. This does not include the changes in price that have resulted due to faulty design. Imagine giving $28billion +dollars to a country that probably hates our guts. Mean while, the National Cancer Institute last year had a budget of roughly $146 million to combat ALL types of pediatric cancers. The cost of ONE F-22 was allocated to the fight of a disease that is decimating our children. The cost of research for adult cancers is utterly higher but it still doesn't come close to the amount of investment our government has made in Afghanistan as opposed to all of us here. Imagine if we focused our resources on our own country. I pray for the day when this country can rise to social, intellectual, scientific and moral prominence once again and not settle for mediocrity. The day that those virtues are made our priorities once again, our children, well those that aren't stuck with Cancer or other diseases will hopefully have a chance to live in a better place. If we get close to that, this country will be the Land of The Free and Home of The Brave, not Land of The Free & Home of The Sick.
God Bless us all.

Lake of Tears

We wanted to share something with you all that I recently wrote...hopefully you enjoy it...
Roi & Michelle

"Darkness covers the land surrounding the lake. The dew dresses the leaves of solitude in pewter garments drenched in grey tint. The smell of burnt gun powder still flows through every nostril as the twilight slowly hangs suspended in the frame of the mind while the colors that are formed slowly drip down the canvas. Dalí in his glory.
The One, stands at the edge of the tattered and worn pier. Viewing the small opening towards Heaven amongst the cumulus clouds. Clouds that are streaked with shades of grey, pink, orange and red. The battered cocoon of his metamorphic journey becomes unzipped, falling to the ground in pieces reminiscent of Autumn leaves floating to the ground. Emergent is the glowing splendor of The One floating above the Lake of Tears as he dries the tears off the trees that have so cherished it's presence. Above the lake, above the pain floating away from the desolation towards the Happiness of one's soul... "

Father's Day Thank You

As Father's Day approached last week we were worried as to how difficult it was going to be. We were right. It was a very difficult week that was hard to deal with. Thankfully I had a lot of support. I even had Michelle pay me a visit for the Father's Day weekend which was very, very helpful. I even was surprised by a call from a fellow father of a cancer warrior friend of ours that has gone through the same battle as us and had the same result. His angel is now watching over him and his family. It was nice to have him call and encourage Michelle & I to stay strong and hopefully we did the same for them. Sometimes, we forget how men handle difficult situations such as this and most of us do not do too well in expressing ourselves. I have to say that during this experience over the last year we have met some truly courageous people. People that are inspired by love to fight the unknown. I have to say that it was probably the first time in my adult life that I have met so many people like that. Sure Father's Day is a day to celebrate the fatherly figures in our lives, but it is also a great time to celebrate the people that support these dads. The wives, mothers, aunts, grandmothers, sisters, friends, neighbors and co-workers that many times go out of their way to help these men. In our instance, I will say that the support I got helped out tremendously. I thank all of those wonderful people for helping. You all know who you are.   

Michelle & Roi

3 Months or 91.3105497 Days Later

This is a cute video of AA dancing to one of his favorite Backyardigans episodes last summer, just before we started treatment at MSKCC.

Life is rough, there is no debating that these days. To be honest with you, I believe life has always been rough throughout the centuries, we just see the past from a different perspective. Most of us go through the struggles of making ends meet and find that challenging enough. On most days finding life completely over whelming. Life becomes even more challenging as we enter the social evolutionary process entering into relationships, having children, dealing with mortality and subsequent passing into the next phase of life.  How do we deal with all of the life issues that WE complicate life with, and still have dinner on the table by 6 or 7o'clock I have no idea. 
Now imagine having to deal with a sick husband, wife, child, mother or father. This added circumstance thickens the stew even further. Then imagine having to deal with the incomprehensible early death of a loved one. There are so many of you that have stood by our side as we have dealt with AA's battle with cancer. So many of you that have held our hands and are still holding our hands as we try to get back up from the knock out punch of all knockout punches, having AA pass away. Today, marks three months since AA's passing. These past three months or 91.3105497 days have been extremely hard. Some of you have gone through this, some of you understand the pain and the reality is that some of you do not understand the pain, and hopefully you will never have to understand what it is to lose your shinning star in life and then have to still move on with out him. Just imagine that the Sun that we see and feel everyday on this Planet Earth vanished. Then imagine surviving without it. Most would say it would be impossible but some would say to give it a go, what else is there to lose when you have lost everything that matters in life. Those of you that know us well, know that we are doing our best to move forward, but damn, it's been so difficult and every time an anniversary comes up the wound reopens as if it were the very first one. I write this not to evoke sentiments of pity for us, but to inspire you to value what you are given everyday. The everyday gifts that Life brings you. We miss Andrew Aidan immensely, and know he looks over many of us on a daily basis, while he even visits others as well. We are proud of our courageous boy and know that he is doing a stellar  job in Heaven as an Angel. Thank you for all the support we have gotten over the last year. 
Have a good day!


Michelle & Roi

If only it always happened like this.

   

Art Work

AA's  Galaxy Art Work

Hi everyone...Hope you all are having a great day... We just wanted to share this video below we came across of AA using his Godparent's & our washer/dryer as a canvas for his art. He really did enjoy to draw/paint and we were lucky enough to catch him in the act a couple of times. It is one of his best works as he does his best to use both his left and right hand to draw. His art work looks a lot like many of the pictures you see from NASA of galaxies and star clusters in deep space, similar to the picture below...

Galaxy

From Boy To Man As AA Drives

We always wondered if AA was an "Old Soul" born into a boy's body in order to fullfill his destiny. He showed so much grace, knowledge, composure and love that it sure felt like we knew him forever. Well luckily we now do. A nice example of this is the "right of passage" that many fathers get to experience with their sons when they teach them to drive. We were lucky enough to experience that with AA for his second birthday. AA & I picked Michelle up from work that day and went to run some errands afterwards and I decided that I would bring him upfront with me to expereince life. To try something that he had never done before and something that seemed so natural to him. That was to drive a car! There were so many days in which he would imitate driving with me from his car seat and sometimes we would even be doing the car sounds together..VROOM! BEEP, BEEP!  Truly blessed moments that will always be cherished not to mention how great and funny it was for us to see AA do this.  Many days were filled with smiles due to his amazing ability to make people smile and laugh. We are proud of him as AA's life was filled with so many experiences that showed his growth from a boy to a man in an amazing way. To our old soul, we truly love you and are proud of you. Hope to have you visit for Father's Day!

Setting Sunrise

Sometimes I wonder how we arrive at our destinations in life at times. I think I was always like this but even more since we had AA...it's amazing how a little one changes your perspective in life. I've realized over time that at certain points in our lives we all board what I call " The Flow Train". Well what is the Flow Train... I feel it is when life starts taking us on a path that seems too obvious not to follow... There are times when this train goes through everyone's life.. Why fight it when it seems that this train brings good vibes with it and could usually serve as a tool to help us move forward in certain aspects of our lives... This week has been a ride on the flow train for us. Michelle and I entered a very challenging period in our lives once again, a period that will continue to test our love and faith in each other, in AA and God as I start school shortly... It has been a different week. A week full of hard emotional challenges as we miss AA in so many different levels but we are very appreciative of the support system we have and continue to be there for each other. Have a great day everyone and sorry for not writing much this week. It was full of change.

Us

Happy Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day... It's a day that we are happy to have off.. It's a well deserved break from the madness of life that in reality we just don't get enough time away from anymore. This is a day that we just need to worry about the kids having fun, how many people are coming over to the BBQ or driving to the local beach given that it is the un-official start of Summer.
In addition to the break we all get from this day it has great significance because it is a day to remember all of the great men and women that have sacrificed their lives for maintaining and improving our quality of life. It is to these that we say thank you. It is also a day for us that we will honor our Angel Warrior, Andrew Aidan... Our warrior fought bravely and we hope that his experience at MSKCC will hopefully help other children defeat Cancer and improve the quality of others to come. God bless us all and we love you AA.
Michelle & Roi

AA's DVD Honor Moment.

I am currently in Manhattan running some errands before I start school on June 4th and had to go by Memorial Sloan Kettering to drop off some cartoon DVD's that we accidentally brought home with us after we checked out of the hospital back in March. I was able to see some of the staff we were cool with, including Julianna Y. & Alyson S. They were very instrumental in the ability of all three of us to deal with our ordeal with cancer. Something they said really struck a cord with me. They said that they miss us still and that various staff members and families still ask for us and about how we are doing. They told us that so many people feel that we were role models for being great parents that did every thing possible to provide AA with every opportunity to succeed with his battle with cancer. It was very unexpected but it was a nice way of AA honoring us through his experience. We never did this to gain respect or admiration from anyone, we just did what we needed to do to fight for our boy. The boy we love. There was only so much we could do against something that does not understand compromise but we are satisfied in knowing that we placed all our cards on the table and have no regrets about how we treated AA. Most importantly, AA knows that now and I am sure he knew it then.
Roi

Change

Change...the ability or action that is performed by someone or something to modify their current or future situation. That is my definition for change when I just sat down to think about the change we have just gone through over the last year. In reality why the hell does change have to be so hard. I prefer the "easy" changes in life, like " I changed my mind lets have Chinese for dinner" or " you know what, I am tired of this job, it's time for a change". Never would I have thought that Michelle, Andrew Aidan & I would have gone this route. Having a member of your pack, your loved one vanish away from the planet is such a mind twisting experience. Thinking about change started today when I was writing a text to Michelle and I said in the text " Andrew Aidan come back I need back up". Although I said it in a playful manner it just reminded me that our Angel Warrior has our back in other ways these days. It reminded me that longing for him is just as hard as the first days or as when we first learned of his diagnosis.
In our situation, it just sucks that we have and will make change for the good of the family but he will be watching us make those changes not actively participating in them. As I finish painting our place I contemplate what it would have been to have him painting along side me. A nice father/son moment that will only live in my imagination These are just some of the changes that we all make at some point in our lives. Hopefully some of us are spared the pain that comes along with some change. Have a great day everyone and tell someone you love them and really mean it. You'll be surprised how special that phrase really is when it is appreciated.
Roi

Giving Back To Those That Helped

Just wanted to let every one know of a pretty good event happening this weekend. It's one I was lucky enough to be a part of. Today was the first day of a two day expo called The New York Baby Show at Pier 92. Pier 92 is located on the West Side Highway & 55/56 Street. It's an event with varied types of vendors and seminars and workshops. I was there today in order to help out the NYC Dads Group I am a part of. The group had a Dad's Lounge sponsored by Huggies which gave Dad's the opportunity to change their children at a changing table or have a seat to feed or give the little ones nap time. It was really nice to meet some of the guys from the group, especially Lance & Matt, the organizers of the group. They have been so supportive of our battle with Cancer. I also felt fortunate to be a resource to new fathers by informing them of the wonderful things that groups like NYC Dads Group do for other fathers. I am happy to have gone and represent the fighting spirit of AA and our family in person. Please try to make it out there if you can. Tomorrow Sunday is the last day. It a great chance to encourage Dad's to be more involved in their children's lives in order to make a positive difference in their lives. Thank you and good night.
Roi

The Road To Parenthood

On Tuesday, I had the opportunity to go with a group of dads from the NYC Dads Group to see an advanced screening of the new movie " What To Expect When Your Expecting" courtesy of Lion's Gate Films. I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised at how good the movie actually was. It was pretty entertaining and the audience pretty much seemed to agree as well. They did a good job of depicting the different roads that humans take to become parents. The scenarios of having difficulty to conceive, infertility, miscarriages and random pregnancies that many of us deal with as we try to build families of our own was very real to life. I was able to relate to many things which I found similar to our experience with AA. Our experience with AA was an amazing unique experience that we are lucky to have had and glad we went through it together. It was not the road we were expecting but it was our unique "Road To Parenthood" that no one in the world has. There is only one AA Michelle Roi Blvd and we happy for it...
Roi

AA Remembered At Pace University

Yesterday, May 14, the 2nd D.N.P graduating class from Pace University was honored for all of their hard work in obtaining their Doctorate degrees in a pre-graduation ceremony which is held every year for the graduation class of a particular degree and major. It is a very intimate and enjoyable event that is well deserved. Well, just last year we were enjoying this same event in honor of Michelle & and her classmates in being the 1st D.N.P Doctorate graduating class from Pace. It was a very memorable event for our family and Michelle. In a year much has changed, most notably the absence of our brave and beautiful boy from our physical lives. As a result of AA's brave battle in defeating cancer and ascending to Heaven, the administration at Pace University's School of Nursing honored our family by reserving a seat at this year's pre-commencement event and will continue to do so every year from here on, in honor of their "D.N.P Angel" as AA was called by Dr. Singleton.
We were and are, very moved by this beautiful memorial and are truly appreciative of such an honor. The administration, faculty, staff and students at Pace University have been so very supportive, from pregnancy to our most recent life event with AA's passing to Heaven. We truly appreciate it and will always have you all near to our hearts.
Michelle & Roi

2 Months In Heaven

Many of us want many things, some want the perfect job, the perfect partner, the latest sports car or dream house fit for a king. We do not always receive the things that we wish for. Sometimes due to lack of motivation, will power, finances or required knowledge to get those sought after possessions. I know a wonderful little man who one day wanted to be safe and happy in his parents arms and he was. He didn't have the chance to desire such things because he was needed with greater importance in Heaven. Today, marks AA's two month anniversary of moving to Heaven and we are extremely proud of being parents of an Angel, but we miss his physical presence dearly. Thankfully we have his spiritual presence everyday with us. As you go about your busy days trying to conquer the world, which most of us do, think about the things that really matter to you and value your life and blessings. The only thing I desire now is to spend the rest of my days getting closer to Heaven, because he is there, motivating us and waiting for us. Have a blessed day.
Roi

A Coat of Primer On Your Life

It's such a nice day today. I'm at home painting our place as we are still on this journey of recovery. Days like these are some of my favorites because AA & I would go for our walks on such days. As I paint the place I remember all of the fine details that go into making a home look and feel the way you want it. Painting of the trim, sanding the walls and preparing the walls with primer just to mention some things. Similar to the fine details that define our relationships with the ones we love. Sometimes, well no, everyday I wish that there was a special primer that existed for our lives. A primer that you can just add on the imperfections that are on the walls of our lives. Hopefully, it would cover the pain, the disease and the death that many of us experience. Especially, the big wall of losing AA on this level of our existence. We have been doing our best to lean on the faith and hope that lies in the belief of an after life. When my gas tank of hope runs low and I find myself crying incessantly I do my best to fill it up with the hope I find in AA's constant spiritual presence. It's something I notice that is constant. It's also so amazing that when we are low he always finds a way to reach out to us and let us know he is with us. As much as we would like to make this go away and have AA be back with us in the physical realm, we can't and no amount of wall primer can erase that from the walls of our lives.
Roi

Butterfly In The Sand

The following is a text Michelle received from one of our friends from Memorial Sloan Kettering. Yesterday she was having a photo shoot done with Inspiration Through Art, the same organization that did AA's photo shoot as her daughter has beaten cancer and is doing well to date. As her daughters walked ahead of her she then had a conversation with the photographer about AA. The following is her story. We are glad that we met them and are
glad that AA's life has been an inspiration and a source of strength for many.
Roi

"I have to tell you this story...we were at the beach tonight around 6pm taking pics through inspiration art...we were almost done it was getting late and the sun was setting...the photographer was telling me I had to sign a release so the pics can go on their site.I said I know because friends of mine did a photo shoot....The girls walked away and I told her all about little AA....at that very moment a butterfly flew down from out of no where and landed on the sand. I was thinking about the story Roi told about his butterfly ....I bent down and it crawled up my arm so softly....she took pictures she and I were both crying....it was a true sign we were just talking at that very moment of AA .....his life has touched so many of us....I am so thankful I was able to meet him.....we love him!"

Lunch with Bob & AA

The following I could not make up, even if I tried. Yesterday I was removing all the nails and anchors from our wall in order to paint our place before I start school in June. Well it was lunch time and I decided I was going to have one of Andrew Aidan's favorite meals, Mac & Cheese with Creamed Spinach and Chicken Nuggets. As I am about to sit down and eat I decide to turn on the TV and guess who was playing on Channel 13? Bob the Builder! One of AA's favorite cartoons. Well obviously I got
teary eyed and realized that our boy was there in spirit with his old lunch buddy. It was nice to have him over for lunch and I invited him to have a seat with his old man as I pulled a seat out for him. Great food, great entertainment & and great company made for a very awesome lunch. Thanks AA for paying me a visit. Love you.
Papa

Harshest Sea & The Dry Desert

The feeling of loneliness is so hard. The loneliness of not having him next to us. I find myself crying more these days. Any small memory triggers an overflow of tears and sobs. I try to not cry because I want AA to see that we are doing okay but it is hard not to when you miss him so much. How do people cope with this? How do people continue living? I do not know how to keep going sometimes. In life, never would I have thought that I would have lost one of my best friends as AA was to me. To remember his facial expressions or his utterances and know what he meant or wanted was the best feeling ever. To know someone so well and to love them so deeply probably is the greatest of all feelings. I hope that one day the desert of my soul will gain life again and have beauty and life grow in it once again. I hope that it comes soon because the pain in unbearable and it is forever. I love you AA.
Roi

Thinking of Our Baby

The weekend passed rather quickly as we packed up Andrew Aidan's belongings and reorganized the house. It is always tough to see all of his things all over again. I really broke down yesterday and had to stop what I was doing. We visited AA yesterday for a while as we changed his wreath. We have been placing a wreath on his site every week until his stone finally gets placed. I was walking home today from a dentist appointment and decided to stop by and see him again. Just like in life, I could never get enough of him and that is still true. I love our boy so much. We had some friends and family come over on the weekend to help us reorganize the house and we are so grateful for that as well. Today was also Michelle's first day back at work. I wish her the best today. Please appreciate the important things in life, you never know when they can be gone. God bless.
Roi

Wednesday Picnic With AA

Today Wednesday was a better day. We had some errands to run before Michelle goes back to work on Monday and that surely helped us in staying distracted. We have learnt that the more you do during grieving that the smoother your days appears to go even though it really doesn't. Well we went to see AA today at the cemetary and have lunch with him. We went to Boston Market ( he totally loved the Mac & Cheese from there). We picked up a salad each and sat next to him while we ate and played one of his Bob the Builder cartoons. Beemer was also with us as we enjoyed our time with our precious one who I am certain was also there in Spirit. The calmness we felt while at his site was really soothing. We also worked on organizing some of AA's things that were in the basement. That was a bit more difficult but thankfully we had some family come over and help us out. Have a great evening.
Roi