Thank You

We would like to thank those that have continued to show their support to us during these past weeks and months. Many of you have done so via e-mails, texts, postings and visits. We truly appreciate it because it is harder beyond comprehension to deal with his passing to Heaven. We also appreciate the people that still reach out to us to tell us that AA has touched their lives in many relevant ways. We have been told by family of instances that they have seen strangers with AA's bracelets on. Truly moving to know that people still remember his fight. Thank you and God Bless you all.
Michelle & Roi

Four Month Anniversary

Another month of AA's passing today... It's now four months and it feels like the week before the anniversary is horrible and the week after is horribly draining as well. How do we feel as time takes as further away from the memories of our beloved boy? Or as the waters of sadness try to wash away the amazing love that we had for him and he had for us? Well imagine your self as a painter, someone on the level of a Picasso or Van Gogh.. Imagine you just finished your "Guernica" or your "Stary Night", and you had that gut feeling that this was a good piece, if not a great piece. Now what do you do when that piece is stolen or burnt to the ground? Most great artists are so arrogant and talented that they would probably shrug it off and start working on their next masterpiece immediately. If only we could somehow add our next masterpiece to the equation immediately, not to replace AA because we never want a replacement, but to fuel our artistic need as parents. Parents are artists in creating lives, memories, futures and more. Our lives are a living canvas that we cultivate and once children come into the picture our artistic style and outlook changes. What was once grey is now yellow and so on. The greatest art we can create as humans is not as easy as it seems. Many of you know that from your own personal experiences or from people close to you that have tried. We all live in the same art gallery. We all strive to create that "masterpiece". Some of us do and some of us are not as lucky. Some of us are lucky enough to create those works of art and have it last a life time and some of us lose them in fires. Although it burns the soul of our existence on a daily basis not to have the "masterpiece" of our boy with us physically, we know that God inspired us to create a masterpiece and hopefully one day, we get another chance. God bless all the wonderful artists and masterpieces of the world. We love you AA!

Mama and Papa ( Beemer says hi "Gordo")

Here's to four month of no more pain, tubies, or all the crazy things our children go through when dealing with such diseases.

Land of The Free, Home of The Sick

Hello All,
Hope all is well. In the upcoming days our country, will be celebrating it's 236th birthday. A wonderful occasion in world history. The great declaration made by the founders of this country in that long gone era inspired many through out the globe to fight social injustice and inequality. It has also inspired me to write something along those lines A thought came to mind recently regarding the state of our health care system and the lack of priority that is given to the well being of our union's citizen's.
For quite a long time, this country's status as the world's iconic democratic model went unquestioned. The status of such an iconic status has come into question by many in recent time, both near and afar. Concerning to me is the fact that I have within the last year lost 5 people that were near and dear to my family and I to Cancer, including our precious Andrew Aidan. Not to mention an other person which is at Heaven's Gate as we speak also fighting the dreaded war against against Cancer. Never in my life have I or my friends or loved ones suffered such large amounts of loss due to Cancer.
How does this tie into the decline of our established country's social and political prominence? In my view when our government decides to give to the country of Afghanistan 146 war planes as a GIFT to maintain their country's fight for democracy it becomes concerning. A fight that has cost the American people close to $543 billion dollars and counting. Imagine if the US Govt gave to Afghanistan a plane like the F-22 as an example. The F-22 is a fighter that is made by Locheed Martin. It initially cost $150 million to produce and the government has ordered 195 of them to date. You do the math...150 million x 195 units is around= $28 billion dollars. This does not include the changes in price that have resulted due to faulty design. Imagine giving $28billion +dollars to a country that probably hates our guts. Mean while, the National Cancer Institute last year had a budget of roughly $146 million to combat ALL types of pediatric cancers. The cost of ONE F-22 was allocated to the fight of a disease that is decimating our children. The cost of research for adult cancers is utterly higher but it still doesn't come close to the amount of investment our government has made in Afghanistan as opposed to all of us here. Imagine if we focused our resources on our own country. I pray for the day when this country can rise to social, intellectual, scientific and moral prominence once again and not settle for mediocrity. The day that those virtues are made our priorities once again, our children, well those that aren't stuck with Cancer or other diseases will hopefully have a chance to live in a better place. If we get close to that, this country will be the Land of The Free and Home of The Brave, not Land of The Free & Home of The Sick.
God Bless us all.

Lake of Tears

We wanted to share something with you all that I recently wrote...hopefully you enjoy it...
Roi & Michelle

"Darkness covers the land surrounding the lake. The dew dresses the leaves of solitude in pewter garments drenched in grey tint. The smell of burnt gun powder still flows through every nostril as the twilight slowly hangs suspended in the frame of the mind while the colors that are formed slowly drip down the canvas. Dalí in his glory.
The One, stands at the edge of the tattered and worn pier. Viewing the small opening towards Heaven amongst the cumulus clouds. Clouds that are streaked with shades of grey, pink, orange and red. The battered cocoon of his metamorphic journey becomes unzipped, falling to the ground in pieces reminiscent of Autumn leaves floating to the ground. Emergent is the glowing splendor of The One floating above the Lake of Tears as he dries the tears off the trees that have so cherished it's presence. Above the lake, above the pain floating away from the desolation towards the Happiness of one's soul... "

Father's Day Thank You

As Father's Day approached last week we were worried as to how difficult it was going to be. We were right. It was a very difficult week that was hard to deal with. Thankfully I had a lot of support. I even had Michelle pay me a visit for the Father's Day weekend which was very, very helpful. I even was surprised by a call from a fellow father of a cancer warrior friend of ours that has gone through the same battle as us and had the same result. His angel is now watching over him and his family. It was nice to have him call and encourage Michelle & I to stay strong and hopefully we did the same for them. Sometimes, we forget how men handle difficult situations such as this and most of us do not do too well in expressing ourselves. I have to say that during this experience over the last year we have met some truly courageous people. People that are inspired by love to fight the unknown. I have to say that it was probably the first time in my adult life that I have met so many people like that. Sure Father's Day is a day to celebrate the fatherly figures in our lives, but it is also a great time to celebrate the people that support these dads. The wives, mothers, aunts, grandmothers, sisters, friends, neighbors and co-workers that many times go out of their way to help these men. In our instance, I will say that the support I got helped out tremendously. I thank all of those wonderful people for helping. You all know who you are.   

Michelle & Roi

3 Months or 91.3105497 Days Later

This is a cute video of AA dancing to one of his favorite Backyardigans episodes last summer, just before we started treatment at MSKCC.

Life is rough, there is no debating that these days. To be honest with you, I believe life has always been rough throughout the centuries, we just see the past from a different perspective. Most of us go through the struggles of making ends meet and find that challenging enough. On most days finding life completely over whelming. Life becomes even more challenging as we enter the social evolutionary process entering into relationships, having children, dealing with mortality and subsequent passing into the next phase of life.  How do we deal with all of the life issues that WE complicate life with, and still have dinner on the table by 6 or 7o'clock I have no idea. 
Now imagine having to deal with a sick husband, wife, child, mother or father. This added circumstance thickens the stew even further. Then imagine having to deal with the incomprehensible early death of a loved one. There are so many of you that have stood by our side as we have dealt with AA's battle with cancer. So many of you that have held our hands and are still holding our hands as we try to get back up from the knock out punch of all knockout punches, having AA pass away. Today, marks three months since AA's passing. These past three months or 91.3105497 days have been extremely hard. Some of you have gone through this, some of you understand the pain and the reality is that some of you do not understand the pain, and hopefully you will never have to understand what it is to lose your shinning star in life and then have to still move on with out him. Just imagine that the Sun that we see and feel everyday on this Planet Earth vanished. Then imagine surviving without it. Most would say it would be impossible but some would say to give it a go, what else is there to lose when you have lost everything that matters in life. Those of you that know us well, know that we are doing our best to move forward, but damn, it's been so difficult and every time an anniversary comes up the wound reopens as if it were the very first one. I write this not to evoke sentiments of pity for us, but to inspire you to value what you are given everyday. The everyday gifts that Life brings you. We miss Andrew Aidan immensely, and know he looks over many of us on a daily basis, while he even visits others as well. We are proud of our courageous boy and know that he is doing a stellar  job in Heaven as an Angel. Thank you for all the support we have gotten over the last year. 
Have a good day!


Michelle & Roi

If only it always happened like this.

   

Art Work

AA's  Galaxy Art Work

Hi everyone...Hope you all are having a great day... We just wanted to share this video below we came across of AA using his Godparent's & our washer/dryer as a canvas for his art. He really did enjoy to draw/paint and we were lucky enough to catch him in the act a couple of times. It is one of his best works as he does his best to use both his left and right hand to draw. His art work looks a lot like many of the pictures you see from NASA of galaxies and star clusters in deep space, similar to the picture below...

Galaxy

From Boy To Man As AA Drives

We always wondered if AA was an "Old Soul" born into a boy's body in order to fullfill his destiny. He showed so much grace, knowledge, composure and love that it sure felt like we knew him forever. Well luckily we now do. A nice example of this is the "right of passage" that many fathers get to experience with their sons when they teach them to drive. We were lucky enough to experience that with AA for his second birthday. AA & I picked Michelle up from work that day and went to run some errands afterwards and I decided that I would bring him upfront with me to expereince life. To try something that he had never done before and something that seemed so natural to him. That was to drive a car! There were so many days in which he would imitate driving with me from his car seat and sometimes we would even be doing the car sounds together..VROOM! BEEP, BEEP!  Truly blessed moments that will always be cherished not to mention how great and funny it was for us to see AA do this.  Many days were filled with smiles due to his amazing ability to make people smile and laugh. We are proud of him as AA's life was filled with so many experiences that showed his growth from a boy to a man in an amazing way. To our old soul, we truly love you and are proud of you. Hope to have you visit for Father's Day!

Setting Sunrise

Sometimes I wonder how we arrive at our destinations in life at times. I think I was always like this but even more since we had AA...it's amazing how a little one changes your perspective in life. I've realized over time that at certain points in our lives we all board what I call " The Flow Train". Well what is the Flow Train... I feel it is when life starts taking us on a path that seems too obvious not to follow... There are times when this train goes through everyone's life.. Why fight it when it seems that this train brings good vibes with it and could usually serve as a tool to help us move forward in certain aspects of our lives... This week has been a ride on the flow train for us. Michelle and I entered a very challenging period in our lives once again, a period that will continue to test our love and faith in each other, in AA and God as I start school shortly... It has been a different week. A week full of hard emotional challenges as we miss AA in so many different levels but we are very appreciative of the support system we have and continue to be there for each other. Have a great day everyone and sorry for not writing much this week. It was full of change.

Us

Happy Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day... It's a day that we are happy to have off.. It's a well deserved break from the madness of life that in reality we just don't get enough time away from anymore. This is a day that we just need to worry about the kids having fun, how many people are coming over to the BBQ or driving to the local beach given that it is the un-official start of Summer.
In addition to the break we all get from this day it has great significance because it is a day to remember all of the great men and women that have sacrificed their lives for maintaining and improving our quality of life. It is to these that we say thank you. It is also a day for us that we will honor our Angel Warrior, Andrew Aidan... Our warrior fought bravely and we hope that his experience at MSKCC will hopefully help other children defeat Cancer and improve the quality of others to come. God bless us all and we love you AA.
Michelle & Roi

AA's DVD Honor Moment.

I am currently in Manhattan running some errands before I start school on June 4th and had to go by Memorial Sloan Kettering to drop off some cartoon DVD's that we accidentally brought home with us after we checked out of the hospital back in March. I was able to see some of the staff we were cool with, including Julianna Y. & Alyson S. They were very instrumental in the ability of all three of us to deal with our ordeal with cancer. Something they said really struck a cord with me. They said that they miss us still and that various staff members and families still ask for us and about how we are doing. They told us that so many people feel that we were role models for being great parents that did every thing possible to provide AA with every opportunity to succeed with his battle with cancer. It was very unexpected but it was a nice way of AA honoring us through his experience. We never did this to gain respect or admiration from anyone, we just did what we needed to do to fight for our boy. The boy we love. There was only so much we could do against something that does not understand compromise but we are satisfied in knowing that we placed all our cards on the table and have no regrets about how we treated AA. Most importantly, AA knows that now and I am sure he knew it then.
Roi

Change

Change...the ability or action that is performed by someone or something to modify their current or future situation. That is my definition for change when I just sat down to think about the change we have just gone through over the last year. In reality why the hell does change have to be so hard. I prefer the "easy" changes in life, like " I changed my mind lets have Chinese for dinner" or " you know what, I am tired of this job, it's time for a change". Never would I have thought that Michelle, Andrew Aidan & I would have gone this route. Having a member of your pack, your loved one vanish away from the planet is such a mind twisting experience. Thinking about change started today when I was writing a text to Michelle and I said in the text " Andrew Aidan come back I need back up". Although I said it in a playful manner it just reminded me that our Angel Warrior has our back in other ways these days. It reminded me that longing for him is just as hard as the first days or as when we first learned of his diagnosis.
In our situation, it just sucks that we have and will make change for the good of the family but he will be watching us make those changes not actively participating in them. As I finish painting our place I contemplate what it would have been to have him painting along side me. A nice father/son moment that will only live in my imagination These are just some of the changes that we all make at some point in our lives. Hopefully some of us are spared the pain that comes along with some change. Have a great day everyone and tell someone you love them and really mean it. You'll be surprised how special that phrase really is when it is appreciated.
Roi

Giving Back To Those That Helped

Just wanted to let every one know of a pretty good event happening this weekend. It's one I was lucky enough to be a part of. Today was the first day of a two day expo called The New York Baby Show at Pier 92. Pier 92 is located on the West Side Highway & 55/56 Street. It's an event with varied types of vendors and seminars and workshops. I was there today in order to help out the NYC Dads Group I am a part of. The group had a Dad's Lounge sponsored by Huggies which gave Dad's the opportunity to change their children at a changing table or have a seat to feed or give the little ones nap time. It was really nice to meet some of the guys from the group, especially Lance & Matt, the organizers of the group. They have been so supportive of our battle with Cancer. I also felt fortunate to be a resource to new fathers by informing them of the wonderful things that groups like NYC Dads Group do for other fathers. I am happy to have gone and represent the fighting spirit of AA and our family in person. Please try to make it out there if you can. Tomorrow Sunday is the last day. It a great chance to encourage Dad's to be more involved in their children's lives in order to make a positive difference in their lives. Thank you and good night.
Roi

The Road To Parenthood

On Tuesday, I had the opportunity to go with a group of dads from the NYC Dads Group to see an advanced screening of the new movie " What To Expect When Your Expecting" courtesy of Lion's Gate Films. I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised at how good the movie actually was. It was pretty entertaining and the audience pretty much seemed to agree as well. They did a good job of depicting the different roads that humans take to become parents. The scenarios of having difficulty to conceive, infertility, miscarriages and random pregnancies that many of us deal with as we try to build families of our own was very real to life. I was able to relate to many things which I found similar to our experience with AA. Our experience with AA was an amazing unique experience that we are lucky to have had and glad we went through it together. It was not the road we were expecting but it was our unique "Road To Parenthood" that no one in the world has. There is only one AA Michelle Roi Blvd and we happy for it...
Roi

AA Remembered At Pace University

Yesterday, May 14, the 2nd D.N.P graduating class from Pace University was honored for all of their hard work in obtaining their Doctorate degrees in a pre-graduation ceremony which is held every year for the graduation class of a particular degree and major. It is a very intimate and enjoyable event that is well deserved. Well, just last year we were enjoying this same event in honor of Michelle & and her classmates in being the 1st D.N.P Doctorate graduating class from Pace. It was a very memorable event for our family and Michelle. In a year much has changed, most notably the absence of our brave and beautiful boy from our physical lives. As a result of AA's brave battle in defeating cancer and ascending to Heaven, the administration at Pace University's School of Nursing honored our family by reserving a seat at this year's pre-commencement event and will continue to do so every year from here on, in honor of their "D.N.P Angel" as AA was called by Dr. Singleton.
We were and are, very moved by this beautiful memorial and are truly appreciative of such an honor. The administration, faculty, staff and students at Pace University have been so very supportive, from pregnancy to our most recent life event with AA's passing to Heaven. We truly appreciate it and will always have you all near to our hearts.
Michelle & Roi

2 Months In Heaven

Many of us want many things, some want the perfect job, the perfect partner, the latest sports car or dream house fit for a king. We do not always receive the things that we wish for. Sometimes due to lack of motivation, will power, finances or required knowledge to get those sought after possessions. I know a wonderful little man who one day wanted to be safe and happy in his parents arms and he was. He didn't have the chance to desire such things because he was needed with greater importance in Heaven. Today, marks AA's two month anniversary of moving to Heaven and we are extremely proud of being parents of an Angel, but we miss his physical presence dearly. Thankfully we have his spiritual presence everyday with us. As you go about your busy days trying to conquer the world, which most of us do, think about the things that really matter to you and value your life and blessings. The only thing I desire now is to spend the rest of my days getting closer to Heaven, because he is there, motivating us and waiting for us. Have a blessed day.
Roi

A Coat of Primer On Your Life

It's such a nice day today. I'm at home painting our place as we are still on this journey of recovery. Days like these are some of my favorites because AA & I would go for our walks on such days. As I paint the place I remember all of the fine details that go into making a home look and feel the way you want it. Painting of the trim, sanding the walls and preparing the walls with primer just to mention some things. Similar to the fine details that define our relationships with the ones we love. Sometimes, well no, everyday I wish that there was a special primer that existed for our lives. A primer that you can just add on the imperfections that are on the walls of our lives. Hopefully, it would cover the pain, the disease and the death that many of us experience. Especially, the big wall of losing AA on this level of our existence. We have been doing our best to lean on the faith and hope that lies in the belief of an after life. When my gas tank of hope runs low and I find myself crying incessantly I do my best to fill it up with the hope I find in AA's constant spiritual presence. It's something I notice that is constant. It's also so amazing that when we are low he always finds a way to reach out to us and let us know he is with us. As much as we would like to make this go away and have AA be back with us in the physical realm, we can't and no amount of wall primer can erase that from the walls of our lives.
Roi

Butterfly In The Sand

The following is a text Michelle received from one of our friends from Memorial Sloan Kettering. Yesterday she was having a photo shoot done with Inspiration Through Art, the same organization that did AA's photo shoot as her daughter has beaten cancer and is doing well to date. As her daughters walked ahead of her she then had a conversation with the photographer about AA. The following is her story. We are glad that we met them and are
glad that AA's life has been an inspiration and a source of strength for many.
Roi

"I have to tell you this story...we were at the beach tonight around 6pm taking pics through inspiration art...we were almost done it was getting late and the sun was setting...the photographer was telling me I had to sign a release so the pics can go on their site.I said I know because friends of mine did a photo shoot....The girls walked away and I told her all about little AA....at that very moment a butterfly flew down from out of no where and landed on the sand. I was thinking about the story Roi told about his butterfly ....I bent down and it crawled up my arm so softly....she took pictures she and I were both crying....it was a true sign we were just talking at that very moment of AA .....his life has touched so many of us....I am so thankful I was able to meet him.....we love him!"

Lunch with Bob & AA

The following I could not make up, even if I tried. Yesterday I was removing all the nails and anchors from our wall in order to paint our place before I start school in June. Well it was lunch time and I decided I was going to have one of Andrew Aidan's favorite meals, Mac & Cheese with Creamed Spinach and Chicken Nuggets. As I am about to sit down and eat I decide to turn on the TV and guess who was playing on Channel 13? Bob the Builder! One of AA's favorite cartoons. Well obviously I got
teary eyed and realized that our boy was there in spirit with his old lunch buddy. It was nice to have him over for lunch and I invited him to have a seat with his old man as I pulled a seat out for him. Great food, great entertainment & and great company made for a very awesome lunch. Thanks AA for paying me a visit. Love you.
Papa

Harshest Sea & The Dry Desert

The feeling of loneliness is so hard. The loneliness of not having him next to us. I find myself crying more these days. Any small memory triggers an overflow of tears and sobs. I try to not cry because I want AA to see that we are doing okay but it is hard not to when you miss him so much. How do people cope with this? How do people continue living? I do not know how to keep going sometimes. In life, never would I have thought that I would have lost one of my best friends as AA was to me. To remember his facial expressions or his utterances and know what he meant or wanted was the best feeling ever. To know someone so well and to love them so deeply probably is the greatest of all feelings. I hope that one day the desert of my soul will gain life again and have beauty and life grow in it once again. I hope that it comes soon because the pain in unbearable and it is forever. I love you AA.
Roi

Thinking of Our Baby

The weekend passed rather quickly as we packed up Andrew Aidan's belongings and reorganized the house. It is always tough to see all of his things all over again. I really broke down yesterday and had to stop what I was doing. We visited AA yesterday for a while as we changed his wreath. We have been placing a wreath on his site every week until his stone finally gets placed. I was walking home today from a dentist appointment and decided to stop by and see him again. Just like in life, I could never get enough of him and that is still true. I love our boy so much. We had some friends and family come over on the weekend to help us reorganize the house and we are so grateful for that as well. Today was also Michelle's first day back at work. I wish her the best today. Please appreciate the important things in life, you never know when they can be gone. God bless.
Roi

Wednesday Picnic With AA

Today Wednesday was a better day. We had some errands to run before Michelle goes back to work on Monday and that surely helped us in staying distracted. We have learnt that the more you do during grieving that the smoother your days appears to go even though it really doesn't. Well we went to see AA today at the cemetary and have lunch with him. We went to Boston Market ( he totally loved the Mac & Cheese from there). We picked up a salad each and sat next to him while we ate and played one of his Bob the Builder cartoons. Beemer was also with us as we enjoyed our time with our precious one who I am certain was also there in Spirit. The calmness we felt while at his site was really soothing. We also worked on organizing some of AA's things that were in the basement. That was a bit more difficult but thankfully we had some family come over and help us out. Have a great evening.
Roi

Fireflies In The Park

Hello everyone. Things have been very tough lately. We found out this week that another family we were close to at Sloan lost their battle as their son passed on to the next phase of life. We wish them well. Michelle had a rough time on Tuesday as well as she broke down thinking of AA. Tuesday evening we went to the Compassionate Friends bereavement group in Manhattan and had a nice experience. We met some nice people that are going through similar experiences. What is nice about Compassionate Friends is that the loved ones lost have passed from all different scenarios. They are not only for families of cancer patients. We saw that many people have also suffered extreme tragedy and we wish them continue prayers and support. One activity that we liked from the group was when every one had a chance to tell a funny story of your loved one. My choice was of when I asked Andrew Aidan who was his daddy and he pointed to me and said "Bob the Builder". That was vintage AA. Always on his toes with the greatest responses. Afterwards Michelle and I walked to Madison Square Park and shared memories of AA while enjoying a night time snack at the Shake Shack. All in all it was another hard day which brought with it love, joy, tears, sadness and longing.
Roi

Road To Recovery

After every type of natural disaster, such as, earthquakes, hurricanes just to name a few, there is a recovery process. At first, it's shock and disbelief at the onset of such humbling displays of natural power. Then another step that comes shortly thereafter is teamwork. Teamwork to help clean up, to help the sick and wounded and to gather supplies. We were wounded again on Wednesday morning when I broke down when I went downstairs to the basement for the first time in a very long time. Wednesday evening, we continued our teamwork phase as we attended our first bereavement group meeting at Memorial Sloan Kettering. We met four famines that went through very similar experiences. We were the newest family there. Some lost their loved ones a year ago up to someone who lost their daughter ten years ago. The group was very helpful and we look forward to meeting with them very soon. We also are going to start going to The Compassionate Friends bereavement group that they participate in and look forward to gaining more support in this unbearable journey. We noticed that they still grieve and we have come to the realization that we will continue to grieve for the rest of our lives. Grieving this type of loss is something that we will take with us for the rest of our lives and we are coming to terms with that. This will not get better as some people have stated to us. We will cry forever and it's okay because he meant and means that much to us.
Roi

The Angel & The Flower

Hello everyone,

The last couple of days have been difficult and that is why we haven’t posted anything the last couple of days. We have been having a lot of reflective moments, both good and bad. Michelle's cousin from Ecuador posted a very nice short story on Facebook called "The Angel". I am posting it for those that do not have Facebook and for those that do not speak Spanish. We miss our boy and are very happy for the continued support and kind words we get daily from everyone. We love you all.

Roi

 THE ANGEL

"Whenever a good child dies, an angel of God comes down from heaven, takes the dead child in his arms, spreads out his great white wings, and flies with him over all the places which the child had loved during his life. Then he gathers a large handful of flowers, which he carries up to the Almighty, that they may bloom more brightly in heaven than they do on earth. And the Almighty presses the flowers to His heart, but He kisses the flower that pleases Him best, and it receives a voice, and is able to join the song of the chorus of bliss." These words were spoken by an angel of God, as he carried a dead child up to heaven, and the child listened as if in a dream. Then they passed over well-known spots, where the little one had often played, and through beautiful gardens full of lovely flowers. "Which of these shall we take with us to heaven to be transplanted there?" asked the angel. Close by grew a slender, beautiful, rose-bush, but some wicked hand had broken the stem, and the half-opened rosebuds hung faded and withered on the trailing branches. "Poor rose-bush!" said the child, "let us take it with us to heaven, that it may bloom above in God's garden." The angel took up the rose-bush; then he kissed the child, and the little one half opened his eyes. The angel gathered also some beautiful flowers, as well as a few humble buttercups and heart's-ease. "Now we have flowers enough," said the child; but the angel only nodded, he did not fly upward to heaven. It was night, and quite still in the great town. Here they remained, and the angel hovered over a small, narrow street, in which lay a large heap of straw, ashes, and sweepings from the houses of people who had removed. There lay fragments of plates, pieces of plaster, rags, old hats, and other rubbish not pleasant to see. Amidst all this confusion, the angel pointed to the pieces of a broken flower-pot, and to a lump of earth which had fallen out of it. The earth had been kept from falling to pieces by the roots of a withered field-flower, which had been thrown amongst the rubbish. "We will take this with us," said the angel, "I will tell you why as we fly along." And as they flew the angel related the history. "Down in that narrow lane, in a low cellar, lived a poor sick boy; he had been afflicted from his childhood, and even in his best days he could just manage to walk up and down the room on crutches once or twice, but no more. During some days in summer, the sunbeams would lie on the floor of the cellar for about half an hour. In this spot the poor sick boy would sit warming himself in the sunshine, and watching the red blood through his delicate fingers as he held them before his face. Then he would say he had been out, yet he knew nothing of the green forest in its spring verdure, till a neighbor's son brought him a green bough from a beech-tree. This he would place over his head, and fancy that he was in the beech-wood while the sun shone, and the birds carolled gayly. One spring day the neighbor's boy brought him some field-flowers, and among them was one to which the root still adhered. This he carefully planted in a flower-pot, and placed in a window-seat near his bed. And the flower had been planted by a fortunate hand, for it grew, put forth fresh shoots, and blossomed every year. It became a splendid flower-garden to the sick boy, and his little treasure upon earth. He watered it, and cherished it, and took care it should have the benefit of every sunbeam that found its way into the cellar, from the earliest morning ray to the evening sunset. The flower entwined itself even in his dreams—for him it bloomed, for him spread its perfume. And it gladdened his eyes, and to the flower he turned, even in death, when the Lord called him. He has been one year with God. During that time the flower has stood in the window, withered and forgotten, till at length cast out among the sweepings into the street, on the day of the lodgers' removal. And this poor flower, withered and faded as it is, we have added to our nosegay, because it gave more real joy than the most beautiful flower in the garden of a queen." "But how do you know all this?" asked the child whom the angel was carrying to heaven. "I know it," said the angel, "because I myself was the poor sick boy who walked upon crutches, and I know my own flower well."Then the child opened his eyes and looked into the glorious happy face of the angel, and at the same moment they found themselves in that heavenly home where all is happiness and joy. And God pressed the dead child to His heart, and wings were given him so that he could fly with the angel, hand in hand. Then the Almighty pressed all the flowers to His heart; but He kissed the withered field-flower, and it received a voice. Then it joined in the song of the angels, who surrounded the throne, some near, and others in a distant circle, but all equally happy. They all joined in the chorus of praise, both great and small,—the good, happy child, and the poor field-flower, that once lay withered and cast away on a heap of rubbish in a narrow, dark street.

1 Month Anniversary

The winds may erode the sands of the
World
And the rains may wash away the dirt of the hills
Time may melt away the years of our youth
But never will it erase the thoughts of you.
Your heart and your soul beat more today
While your smile and your love carry us away from pain.
Done with the war and the fear
That you no longer have to fight
Thankfully because of you we will be alright.
Roi Le Gar

Today marks one month in which our magical prince moved to his new home. We have our moments in which we miss him terribly as we have days that are filled with joy as we remember the wonderful love that he made us feel. The silly moments when he made us laugh and the beautiful times when he made us proud. He will forever be our Angel Warrior and each day that passes gets us a step closer to him. Please tell us what you appreciate more since AA has come into your life it would really help us to continue moving forward in our lives. We love you Andrew. Send us your message to r.legar@gmail.com
Roi and Michelle

Johnny Cash & The Angel

Hi Everyone...As the days have been getting closer to AA's one month anniversary of his passing, we have been really struggling in dealing with things. The last couple of days have been extremely difficult for us and we hope to find hope in anything possible. In Johnny Cash's song "Hurt" he opens this somber song with the lyrics "I hurt myself today, To see if I still feel, I focus on the pain, The only thing that's real,". The reality is not that we focus on the pain we feel but that we have loved so deeply that it is still an inconceivable nightmare. An infernal nightmare, we wake up every day hoping that we live in some sort of horrible joke played on us and that our boy is still here with us in body. This pain is the only thing that is real for us. We are trying to make it through these hard days and hope to God that he helps.  That's why I thought that I would share this very nice letter from and angel with you. It reminds me of AA, our Angel Warrior and how he is with his angel brothers. I hope to see him one day in Heaven again. Just a bit of inspiration to help me get through my day and hopefully it does the same for you. You all have helped us so very much in mind, spirit and body and the least we can do is give you hope that even though we all struggle and face extremely harsh difficulties in life, we can some how get through it by helping each other. Thank you and good night.
Roi

The following is from Jacob Charian writing in Beyond the Sunday School: Letter from an Angel Warrior:

Hi,

I have seen some of your paintings of angels. Not very accurate. Why do some of your artists try to make us look like lovely, soft women or cute, chubby babies? Let’s correct that idea right now.

When you think of an angel, don’t think of soft clouds or little cupid-like cherubs decorating packages of bathroom tissue. Angels are terrible warriors. We are the army of the Living God, His heavenly host — a mighty, terrible host, surrounded with the blinding glory of the Almighty’s holiness. Our strength is incomprehensible to you humans.

Why one night while the Assyrian army was surrounding Jerusalem, one of our host went through their camp and put to death 185,000 of their soldiers (2 Kings 19:35). Cute, chubby cherubs, ha! Every time a human actually sees one of us, he collapses in terror. That’s why we always have to start our conversations with: “Fear not!”

Like your human armies, we have ranks and orders, differing duties and tasks. Some angels are not quite so military of course, but me and my boys are a real army. We’ve been in on some of the great campaigns. Our regiment follows the Commander Himself. He has a very particular interest in earth. So many of our operations have brought us into this arena of conflict.

Earth, you know, is contested territory. Oh, there’s no real question of who really rules, but the final mop-up action is being delayed in order to compete certain rescue operations in which the Commander has taken a personal part. We look forward to the end of it all. The day is coming when the last battle will take place. All of the hostiles will gather against our Commander and will mount a terrible offensive. We (and some of you too) will be with Him when He meets the Enemy on that day! There’s no doubt at all about the outcome of that conflict.

In the meantime, our present missions are typically restraining actions related to the ongoing rescue program. We move into an area and secure a perimeter of operations from enemy interference. For instance, on one occasion, Dothan, the village of God’s prophet Elisha, was surrounded by the Syrian army. Our unit was deployed to ensure the safety of the prophet and clear the area of hostiles. Elisha knew we were there. He had notification from our Commander. But the prophet’s servant was uninformed about our presence. Elisha told his servant, “Don’t be afraid. Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” Then Elisha requested from the Commander, that we angels be displayed for the servant’s benefit. So we executed a partial decloaking. The servant was duly impressed; as well he should be (2 Kings 6:8-17).

Most of the time, however, we remain unobserved. But we are present in fearsome power — hundreds, some times thousands of us. We’ve been there in countless operations with the Commander sometimes in warfare against the enemy, sometimes as auxiliary personnel to human endeavors.

I understand many of you may have the notion that serving in an army is a matter of grim, unquestioning duty. That may be the case in some human deployments, but it is emphatically not the case with us in the angel corps. Every last one of us serves because of love for the Commander. We would follow Him anywhere and do anything He requested.

Perhaps you can get some idea of our motivation for service by remembering how the soldiers under David loved him. My squad was in the area one time when David and his command were surrounded by a band of Philistines. At that time David was in his stronghold and he casually remarked how good a drink of water from the well in Bethlehem would taste. Three of David’s men broke through the enemy lines without being discovered and I might add that one of our personnel had something to do with that. They drew water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem and carried it back to David, just because they loved him. (1 Chronicles 11:15-19).

That’s how it is in this army. We love the Commander. Not one of us would hesitate in the slightest to perform any assignment that He might choose to give us. You can hear our love for Him in the songs we sing when we are on the march. How does your proverb go? There are four things that move with stately bearing: a lion, mighty among beasts who retreats before nothing, a strutting rooster, a he-goat, and a king with his army around him (Proverbs 30:29-31). You should see our King with His army around Him!

Actually, some of you did see something like that once. I mentioned earlier that our Commander has taken a very personal interest in the rescue operation on Earth. According to His own plan He left heaven and was born into your human race. It was His mission to effect a decisive blow to the key power center of the enemy, effectively opening the gates from the inside to secure the escape of the rescuees.

We had been with Him in smaller companies since He joined Himself to His human mother’s flesh. We kept her under close guard during her season of pregnancy. But on the night He selected for His human birth, we were all there in full array. There was some possibility that the enemy would attempt to oppose His birth action, so we were prepared to secure the area. Of course, as it happened, the enemy was not encountered in the area that night. Only some time later did he mount a counterstrike through that King Herod. So on the night of our Commander’s birth we had nothing to do but stand watch, until we were ordered to reveal ourselves to a few shepherds. And after making the announcement about our Commanders birth, we sang.

Have you ever heard a really big men’s choir? Start with that idea, but imagine them not in choir robes, but girded for battle. Not grim draftees, but soldiers terrible in joy. Not so few you could count them if you tried, but thousands and thousands. Not bare, four-part harmony, but every voice with a slightly different song and all the voices fitting together like a million pieces of a stained-glass window into the glory of heaven.

Not singing with weak human lungs, but sounding eternal chords like the ones that we used at the creation of the world. Not a song with a few words and a chorus, but a song that could not be contained even if you knew all the greatest words from all the languages of your earth. And this song, if you tried to sing it, would say, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom the Commander’s grace rests.” That is the kind of song the shepherds heard!

That night was singing — a song full of terrible love for the Commander, a song full of God’s love for the earth. (You celebrate Christmas for this same reason, right?) And if you have love for this God who joined your human race, maybe one day you will sing with our army.

As we stand before the throne of our Commander there will be a million upon a million voices of praise, voices singing of endless love, voices singing glory to God in the highest!

That is all I wanted you to know Friends, Hope to see you all soon.

—An Angel Warrior

(written by Jacob Charian)

www.equalsharing.com

I Miss Being A Dad

I will always be a dad even though AA is in Heaven now but I miss being a dad. I miss helping him eat his food or taking baths with him while we play with his toys while singing silly songs that we would make up. I miss watching him sleep, walk, talk, laugh. I miss holding his hand or having him put his head on my shoulder. Just sitting down and watching him play was one of my favorite things to do. His purity and enjoyment were highlights of my days with him. How I miss reading "Thomas & The Jet Engine" to him. I would read that book to him at least 50 times a day. I even miss changing his diaper. You really know you love someone when you say you miss that. It's now 4:30 am and I can't fall asleep because I miss checking up on him every night before I go to bed and just move him slightly to make sure he is breathing. There are so many things I miss of him. These tears hurt. It's like acid tears rolling down my face and heart burning canyons of pain while I struggle to keep moving forward. I do my best to stay positive and happy but the quiet moments are always the worst. The quiet moments ambush your heart and soul and attack with reckless abandon. Stripping you down until you bones show. So many men take their children for granted and just walk away from their responsibilities and feel no sort of remorse. If only they knew how wonderful it is to be a dad maybe they would think differently. If only they knew how special it is to have your child love you, maybe they would realize that there are so many men like me that wished for what they could have. I wish I had my AA back, I wish I could. Sorry for crying AA, I just miss you my son.
Roi

AA Dancing

Hi everyone..
I just wanted to share with you all a video taken of AA from December. This was during one of our chemo admissions. We hope you enjoy seeing him dance.
Roi & Michelle

Butterfly Signs

On Saturday, we had a nice encounter with AA. After leaving a family member's house we noticed that on the back of the car we were using that night there was a beautiful butterfly sitting on the trunk of the car. It appeared to be a Monarch butterfly. It was weird for a number of reasons. It was about 1am when do you ever see a butterfly at night. Secondly,as we stayed outside speaking for about an hour more the butterfly did not move once. Finally, at about 2 am we finally left their house and had to lift the sweet butterfly off of the trunk in order to not risk hurting it. As it was lifted and began to fly, someone said, "hey that's probably AA flying back to Heaven after spending some time with us". As they said that, I saw a shooting star fly right over the sweet butterfly. AA definitely was having a nice time with Mama and Papa.
Life is an ongoing process that does not stop just because our bodies rest perpetually. Our spirit/life force continues to push on into freedom. Always remember, that as our bodies grow older all we have are a bunch of yesterday's and very few tomorrows. Live today and enjoy it for what it is. God bless!
Roi

Staircase Journey

Every Step Feels Like A Life Time

Imagine our lives as a staircase. A staircase that reaches the upper most part of our potential on our spiritual journey. This staircase has many uneven steps that mirror the uneven experiences that we have in our lives. Some of us struggle with this unevenness while others do well. Time spent on this upward journey to Nirvana's gates can fly by for some while some may feel as if they are walking on quicksand, slowly sinking deeper and deeper into each step of life with little hope of reaching the top. I once read that in the Ancient Middle East there was a belief that our souls when departed from this world would be asked two questions when reaching Heaven's gates. The answers according to legend, would determine where your soul would spend the rest of it's eternity. The questions are very simple but extremely profound. 1) Have you found joy in life? 2) Has your life brought joy to others?
I like many, used to see life differently before AA graced my soul with the honor of being his father. I thought that joy was obtained in the material world, but my greatest joy in life began on Dec 05, 2009 when I held the amazing 7.7 pound bundle of joy that was and is AA for the first time.  I am lucky enough to say I have experienced Joy through AA. While experiencing joy I truly feel that I have been able to bring joy to others but most importantly to our AA. Hearing the sound of an excited cry of "Papa" or a sudden spontaneous and powerful kiss of love from your own child is outstanding and truly the best way that they can express their happiness and joy. What makes you happy? I truly do not know that answer but I hope that you do and that if you do not know what makes you happy, that you do your best to find your happiness in life.  Love those around you more, hold them closer each day and tell them how much they mean to you. Each day that passes in our lives takes us a step closer to the top of the staircase and how we answer those questions depends on us. Thankfully AA showed me what really matters on my staircase journey.

Time Will Never Erase

Countless nights, countless tears
Countless days thinking of you. No matter what we do in life from this point on, it will never erase the pain. He was a person that very few really got to know because of all the ailments that he went through in his twenty seven months but the few of us that were lucky to spend time with him know that he was and is an outstanding person. It's tough when you lose a prized possession but he is not lost, he is simply some where waiting for us to come and see him again. AA we will see you soon. Love you.
Mama, Papa and Beemer

Send It To Us

What's Your Address Again?

Hello Everyone...Hope every one is doing well. We are doing the best we can given the situation and are doing our best to take everyday as it comes our way. We are looking back at the wonderful turnout of over 200 people that came to pay their respects to the Warrior at his wake and funeral. As we review the guest book for the funeral home we realized that there was not enough space in the guest book for every one to sign. As a result we are asking everyone that attended the wake, memorial mass & burial ceremony to please send us your mailing address via e-mail in order for us to send out thank you notes. We are very proud of the impact that AA made on so many and we want to show our appreciation. Please e-mail your information in the following format.

First & Last Name
Full Mailing Address


Thank you & God Bless you all.
Roi & Michelle

r.legar@gmail.com

Where Angels Are

This Real Cosmic Entity Looks Like An Angel, Our Angel Warrior.

Today was a day in which Michelle and I found ourselves enjoying so many of the wonderful things AA would do when he was here with us. Everything from facial expressions, phrases he picked up from us, the way he would imitate birds or planes and even the way he walked, as we took a walk together. Our Angel has done such a wonderful job in making us happy. He amazes me more and more each day with the undeniable imprint he has left on our souls. I thank him very much for taking care of us now. Every time we find ourselves crying, he finds a way to make us smile through his loving and silly ways.
Roi

Thank You Inspiration Through Art

Please view the nice effect that Inspiration Through Art placed on one of the pics I took of AA when we took him to The Bronx Zoo. They placed this pic on their page today to remember AA's 2 weeks of passing to Heaven.
Roi

Cosmic Triangle

Not everyone has the fortune of finding love and friendship all in one person. Let alone in two people, the blessing is even more rare. I have to consider my self extremely fortunate and blessed to have an awesome woman as a friend and wife but also equally blessed to have a wonderful boy and young man as a friend and son, in AA. Our pride is a continuous flow of love that is still flowing from our hearts. On another note, for the last two nights,I was able to witness a cool sighting in the sky at night. I have seen the crescent moon form a triangle with two very bright stars. What makes me like this picture is the fact that it reminds me of AA and how he is with us and will always be with us no matter what time of day it may be. I love you AA and always miss you Gordo. I look forward to seeing you soon my boy. Love always,
Your Papa.

2 Weeks Ago

Missing Our AA!

Today, Monday marks two weeks in which our beloved Andrew Aidan passed onto his new life in Heaven. Everyday has been hard as we find ourselves still struggling to deal with this situation. The days do not seem to get better and time does not seem to heal either. We cry, we cry often as we remember his warmth, his smile, his great smile, laughter or the way he would sleep or touch our faces gently. There are so many things we admire about him. We find ourselves missing him so much and remembering so many of the wonderful things that AA gave to us on a daily basis and how he still gives us love today as we relive those wonderful memories of him. We still feel him around us and at times feel like he has given us certain signs that he still is with us.
Good night.
Roi

I Am Always With You

I wanted to share with you the the poem I read for AA's wake. Hope everyone had a a good day.
Roi

I Am Always With You

When I am gone, release me, let me go.

I have so many things to see and do,

You mustn't tie yourself to me with too many tears,

But be thankful we had so many good years.

I gave you my love, and you can only guess

How much you've given me in happiness.

I thank you for the love that you have shown,

But now it is time I traveled on alone.

So grieve for me a while, if grieve you must

Then let your grief be comforted by trust

That it is only for a while that we must part,

So treasure the memories within your heart.

I won't be far away for life goes on.

And if you need me, call and I will come.

Though you can't see or touch me, I will be near

And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear

All my love around you soft and clear

And then, when you come this way alone,

I'll greet you with a smile and a "Welcome Home".

My Little Butterfly

Hi everyone...Hope all is well. I just wanted to share with you the poem that I read at AA's Memorial Mass. Hopefully it will touch you the way it touched us. 

Roi

My Little Butterfly

© Barbara Ann Rogers

Today a little butterfly flew by me.

I thought to myself where have you been little butterfly.

You come into this world as a cocoon all by yourself and blossom into

this beautiful butterfly and fly off to see the world.

What you don’t realize little butterfly as you flutter through your days

is how you touch those around you in your soft gentle way.

You don’t even realize the wonder and awe you create around you.

she fluttered her wings toward me as if she was waving good-by as she

headed towards the horizon.

She looked very happy and content as she went on her way, as if to say

to me “Don’t worry I’ll be okay”.

I was sad to see her go for she had touched my heart in such a way that

I knew my life would never be the same.She had left an imprint of all the beauty life has to offer.

I knew each time I looked at another butterfly or horizon I would

remember our moment in time when it was only her and I.

I knew I would be a better person all because this little butterfly flew by

me one bright sunny day.

Source: My Little Butterfly, Funeral Poem for Friends http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/my-little-butterfly#ixzz1npkcnYvB 

A Poem For AA

Hi everyone,
Please view a poem written for Andrew Aidan. It was written by Brandon McClaskey one of the nicest people we have met. Brandon was present at AA's first wake session and asked if he could read this and we let him read it. Please enjoy.

Heavens trumpets sounded, and you answered Andrew. I know in your ascent you were wrapped in a blanket made of unwavering peace and the everlasting love of Mommy and Daddy. Taken too soon and yet you taught us all lessons that will last many lifetimes, and so Andrew, as are your lessons, you too are eternal. The brightest light in all of our hearts that will never extinguish. And so exist now in Gods light, no shadow cast upon you, you are freed from Earthly slumber, free now to truly live. Thank you Andrew for introducing me to your family, so beautiful, so caring. No more hunger Andrew, no more ambre, no more am. Sit back and enjoy Baby Andrew, tu familia will be there in what will seem like an instant, and forever will you be together again, in peace. Don't worry Andrew for we are not sad, but we certainly have sadness in us. Rest well my love, and thank you.

Son of Honor

The days are long these days. Before we started this journey with AA the days flew by. Trying to make the most of each day. Our days were focused on taking care of the house, taking care of AA, going to work, going shopping and all of the other things that come along with the package of being a married couple with children. Now those days are gone. We focus now on trying to get out of the house in order to not cry or sleep all day because of the pain and disbelief of not having AA with us anymore in the physical sense. Now we have no structure to our day like we did once. We hardly know what to do with each other given that so much of our time was spent on AA. Sometimes we forget to eat, or sometimes I find myself waking up late and freaking out because I feel that I have forgotten AA in the crib. How this will make sense I have no idea. We understand he is with us in the spiritual sense but it still hurts that he is not with us in the physical sense. You get used to people quickly, especially to those you love. We miss his smile, his laugh, his breath, his words, his sweetness and his unconditional love for us. I cry everyday for our boy. Just because I appear to be strong doesn't mean that mean that I am. I feel so weak without my inspiration which was and is my boy.
Before AA went to Heaven I came up with the idea of presenting him with the Purple Heart. The Pure Heart is a medal awarded by the US military to those soldiers that have been wounded or killed in combat. I feel that our Warrior earned that same Honor for he fought with extreme valour against cancer and won the war through passing on to the next phase of life. Luckily, he was able to wake up before he passed and I was able to explain what the medal means and he was able to touch it, feel it and see it while also hearing me speak and sharing it with him. I am honored to have given him this presentation and will look for him one day in Heaven as he wears this medal for I am going to get one for Michelle & I as well. Thank God for replica medals and the Internet.
Roi